Today, I found out a bit more information. I was in the car with my mother, telling her how I didn't really feel like it was Christmas. She could tell that I was still struggling with my family being dead and all. She told me that she got an email from the searcher and it was sad. I wanted to know how sad. So I asked "On a scale from one to ten, how sad is the email." My mom reply was a nine. I did tell my mom before, that if the information was too sad, I wanted her to wait until she thought I was ready. She told me this: I look like my mom. My mom had 5 siblings. One uncle had children however, the mom left with the children. No one knows where they went. I do wonder if I met my cousins, what would they be like?
Then, I felt the need to talk to my best friend about it. Since, she knows me the most. We have been best friends since kindergarten.See what she thought I should do. Because to be honest I was clueless.
Here was our conversation:
Gill: Ok. It's been a tough year Kim. You will get through. Believe
Me: no offense, I'm. It trying to be mean, but You don't know half the things I'm going through
Gill: "Everybody is fighting a battle that nobody knows about. Be kind and breathe."
Gill:Ok. Vent about everything. Tell me
Me: It TRUELY dosnt feel like Christmas! Okay so, I found out some things about bfam. I have 5 aunts and uncles. I looked like my mum and I asked on a scale from 1-10 hoe bad it was she said 9 and I was not ready to know.... so I don't know. I'm getting the names to make a fam tree. I also have cousins however, idk where they are. They are out there somewhere in Russia. But that's all I know and I don't know how to feel... mom told me in the car. THERE'S NO WAY I CAN HELP! I really want to but they are dead. They drank and that's why they are dead. A few dad from small accidents. I don't know what happend though.
Gill: Ok. If you could, what would you do?
Me: I would buy good for them. Give them money. Help them. Well at leas I know she looks liked and liked to kelp like me.
Gill: That's good
Me: I wish it felt more like Christmas
Gill: You are such a good person. I will never be half the girl you are at my best. You've been through hell and back millions of times throughout your life. And you will again and again. Once life gets you down you never sit and gloat. You get back on your feet and say," you know what, imma get up and keep moving". Sometimes I feel like you just don't know how amazing you truly are. Save this and read it when you need some help emotionally and nobody seems to want to help you. I think you are an amazing person. You do you boo
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Adoptee thoughts
TilfeldigMy name is Tatiana Kadykova I was born in Russia in 2003 and adopted in 2004 in Tambov, Russia. This is here for those adoptees who may share the same feelings.
