Warrior Cat Oc Ratings!

Finchgaze @WolfsWail

Rated by River

Name: Dakota- Finchgaze
I like Dakota as well as Finchgaze, Finch- is underused and -gaze is neutral, but they both go great together.

Age: 28 moons (as of now)
Okay.

Gender: she-cat
As always.

Rank: Queen (as of now)
I don't see many Ocs as Queens, only as past Queens. I like it!

Clan: RiverClan
My favorite :3

Looks: White she-cat with very, very light gray tabby stripes And blue eyes that get very dark around the outsides of them. She has a large nick in her left ear, and a scar on her right front leg.
And here's the down fall. A white cat with blue eyes. This look (besides the stripes) is honestly way overused it makes me sick. The nick and the scar is different, as are the darkening blue eyes, but, it's still a white cat with blue eyes.

Personality: She has a sharp tongue, which often gets her in trouble. She is a little bit dramatic, although she usually doesn't realize until she has said something that she will regret. She is fiercely loyal to her family and friends, but is closed off from most others.
Okay. A mostly negative personality. Try to add more positive traits. The 'loyal to family and friends but closed off from others' is slightly overused, but it goes good with the rest of her traits.

Father: Popcorn-- dark gray tabby tom with blue eyes and white patches.
Love the name! Though it doesn't go with his looks.

Mother: Sheila-- white with light gray tabby stripes and pale yellow eyes.
Once again loving the name!

Brother: Dylan--Dark gray tabby with yellow eyes.
Okay.

Mate: Owlscreech-- Black and white tom with gray eyes.
I don't see gray eyes often, but I think they'll be as big as blue eyes sooner or later.

Kits: Violetkit (black and white she-kit with blue eyes), Patchkit (White she-kit with patches of light gray tabby markings and gray eyes).
Cute.

Mentor: Pineclaw-- A sleek tabby tom with amber eyes.
Mkay.

Apprentices: Spiderpaw-- Black tom with yellow eyes and one extra toe on his paws, now  Spiderfeet.
Alrighty. Likin' the toes on this tom.

Death: Not dead yet.
You still need to put the planned out death you have for her, even if she's not dead.

Backstory: When Dakota's mother had kits (Dakota and Dylan), her twoleg tried to find homes for them before they came to be eight weeks old, but he couldn't, so he abandoned them in a cardboard box in the woods of RiverClan in the middle of leaf-bare. It was all night before a dawn patrol found them, and by then Dylan was dead and if Dakota had been out there for another hour, she would have been too. The patrol took her back to camp where the queen Swallowcry raised her. She was accepted into the family, and was best friends with Owlkit and Pebblekit. She became an apprentice, and her mentor Pineclaw didn't hate her, but he wasn't fond of her either. By the end of her apprenticeship, she had devealoped a crush on Owlpaw, but he wanted nothing to do with her. The she-cat he wanted was Nightpaw. Night paw was distant, and hated Owlpaw, but he would not give up hope, much to Finchpaw's dismay. One night, Finchgaze had a dream about her mother, and woke up sobbing. Her mother had bent over her, with stars in her pelt, and said: "I wish I could have watched you grow up. You are so beautiful. But, from now on, I can watch you, and be with you always." When she woke up in the night she ran out of camp and into the rain. Owlscreech heard her and followed her, out of worry. As he sat there, her sobs echoing through the night, he realized how much he loved her. They became mates, and had two kits named Violetkit (Violetshade) and Patchkit (patchtail). Their camp was raided by WindClan, and one of then stole the kits and badly injured Finchgaze, so now she has a large scar on her chest.
Okay. This is the typical kittypet to warrior thing, but I can't say much, because it's quite unique for being one of those stories. I think that it's really sweet how Owlscreech found out he loved her.

I have not finished this oc yet so... 0.o
Not many people have..

Other: She loves the rain. it is one of the only things that can ever calm her down when she is stressed, sad, or angry.
I think this is creative and cool, especially since I have a thing for the rain too :3

I all in all give this Oc an (8/10)! I honestly have nothing truly bad to say about Finchgaze, it's just the appearance and the personality that took off points. Although you may not change her appearance, you could add some more traits to her personality, like how was she as a mother? Was she kind and motherly, or overprotective and strict?

P.s: Sorry this took forever! I was waiting for another admin to rate this oc but nobody took up the offer so I decided to do it.