New Jersey Misses You. I Miss You... **ON HOLD**

Please, Don't Go...

Frank's P.O.V

"Breathe Frank, breathe. Try to calm down, deep breaths." I was wheezing as I wrapped my arms around my body and I was shaking, constantly. I was having a panic attack, fucking great. I had also just found out Gerard was moving away from New Jersey all the way to California. Gerard, my friend, my best friend, my boyfriend of three years. He's sixteen why can't he stay here with me? At least just to finish the year. "Frank, c'mon man, stay with me, hey." My friend, Ray, was saying to me as I wheezed.

"R-Ray, n-no, c-can't, go." I tried fitting out my words as best I could, but failing. I couldn't let Gerard go, leave me behind? Not a fucking chance, we already had our crying session but now that we was driving to the airport with his family, it hit me hard. He was here for everything. Him and his dumb, beautiful bright red hair. He was there to help me, his suicidal best friend. When I was thirteen, I wanted to kill myself because everything was actual shit. My grades, my emotions, my parents, my relationship with my parents, my mental health, fucking everything. Then Gerard came along, he was here to talk me out of it at two in the morning when I said I was actually done with everything and that I was leaving him, I was leaving everyone. He called and talked to me saying things like, "you're beautiful, don't leave" "Frank you're my best friend, I need you" "I love you." Fuck, he loved me and now he was leaving. Fuck fuck fuck, why the fuck!? I was hopelessly crying now, that's all I've ever known how to do. I couldn't breathe, I could barely see now, I wasn't getting enough oxygen. "Ger-Ger-rard." Then, nothing.
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I opened my eyes feeling light headed and nauseous. I squint my eyes looking around, I'm no longer in the bathroom, I'm on the couch now. I sit up and survey my surroundings and I see my mom sitting in a chair beside the couch just looking off into space.

"Mom?" I croaked out, and when she heard my voice her head shot up to look at me.

"Are you okay?" She asked in a tone that sounded like she's been up for days and needed some sleep. I was worried about her now, I don't care what people say, I love my mom, I always will, and if something seems out of the ordinary, I'm going to worry about her. She's always looked out for me, now that I'm sixteen, I can look after her better, I can do what my father never could, I could protect her.

"Yeah, I'm better-ish. Are you okay?"

"I was worried, I didn't know what happened. I knew I shouldn't have gone out. I'm sorry Frankie, I really am, I wish I was a better mom, and more like your father." She whimpered, I could see tears filling her eyes. I stood up and walked over to her, she stood up so that we could be level, and I hugged her. I hated when she felt this way, she was a great mom. I just had a lousy dad that let me do whatever I wanted, that's not even fucking parenting.

"You're an amazing mom." I whispered. Everything was going to shit now, why does this always happen?

"Your father wants custody of you." I heard my mom whimper. My eyes widened. What the hell does he want from me? I pulled away form my mom and I grabbed my phone, angrily dialing his number, he was gonna have a piece of my mind. After a few rings, he picked up.

"Hello, Frank."

"You want fucking custody of me?!" I shouted. I was tired of all his bullshit. He acts like he hates me, and now he wants me to live with him and act like I'm six again? Not a chance.

"Yes, and?"

"Are you that blind? You hate me." I said through gritted teeth.

"I don't hate you, you're my son."

"I may be your son, but you are not a father to me. What kind of father leaves his eight year old son and his wife, a fucking coward is who. I called you and came out to tell you I was gay, and you called me a faggot, you found I had depression and I was self harming and you called me a pussy. You're a fucking piece of shit and I will never live with you!"

"You stop that nonsense, you do not curse to me young man-"

"I'm twice the the man you are!"

"That phase over? Did you actually become a man and get a girlfriend and a job and stop hurting yourself? Once you stop that, you'll be man." He growled into the phone. I felt tears prick my eyes and looked over at my crying mother.

"No! I'm fucking gay and I have a boyfriend who's moving away! No, I haven't stopped harming myself, I didn't have a father to toughen me up like you always said you would! Yes, I have a job, I work at a music store, are you fucking proud of me yet?!" I cried loudly. I was shaking again. "Goodbye Frank, you don't deserve to be called my father." I hung up and started breathing heavily, I pocketed my phone and pulled my sleeves down, I didn't want my mom to see my fresh scars, she didn't deserve any of this. I stomped off to my room and screamed, and cried, threw some stuff around and just cried. I fell to the ground and covered my face with my hands. I felt the hot tears fall on my hands as I thought about Gerard. He was my rock, I needed him. "Come back! Please, I need you!" I screamed into my hands. I grabbed my phone again and texted him, he couldn't see me like this for the millionth time.
Frankie: I miss you 😖

I texted him with tears falling from my face. Seconds later I got a text back.

Gee: Will you pick up the phone if I call?

Frankie: Yes

Soon my phone was ringing and I picked up, I didn't even care if it was a FaceTime anymore, I normally never let Gerard see me like this. Soon, I saw his sad smile and sad eyes. He'd been crying.

"Frankie, baby what's wrong?" He asked softly.

"I m-miss you, I c-can't do th-this without y-you." I cried hopelessly.

"I know, this is gonna be hard on the both of us, we'll do it though, two years and I can move back. Please be strong, you know that I'll pick up your calls, unless I'm busy or I'm in school, remember that, okay? I'm not ignoring you, I'd never ignore you gorgeous. I love you."

"I love you too"

"Get some sleep." I nodded my head and we said our goodbyes. After the call ended, and I looked up at my ceiling. How was I gonna make it through these two years without him? I had Bert, him, Gee and I were good friends, he was nice and cool, but alas, he was not Gerard. What if something happens to him in California? California is a lot bigger than New Jersey, who knows what could happen. What if he gets bullied in school? Shit, I'm an easier target now, I can't deal with the bullying again.. Fuck my life, fuck my entire life...

First chapter, how'd ya like it?

Xoxo, Mama Trash