New Jersey Misses You. I Miss You... **ON HOLD**

Questions

"Stop crying!" He yelled at me as I sat on the ground. I fucked up. I pushed him. I yelled at him. I hiccuped as he knelt down next to me. "Look at him, now!" He screamed.

"D-don't make me! I won't!" I screamed as I backed up to the wall.

"Fucking look at him!" He yelled grabbing my face. My eyes shot open and I saw him on the ground. Gerard. I cried harder as I saw blood pooling out of his chest. I could feel my fathers bloody hands on my face as I squirmed.

"You fucking m-monster!" I screamed. I felt his hot breath on my ear.

"That'll be you ne-"

I sat up in bed silently sobbing and breathing hard. Why was I portraying him like this? Was I scared of him? I ran my hands through my short sweaty hair and pulled my covers off of me. I felt more tears fall down my face, they were endless. I shakily grabbed my phone and dialed Gerard's number. It was four in the morning, I was being an asshole calling him this late.. He told me to call him if I was worrying, stressing, crying, if I was upset at all, and I was upset. I was scared. I heard the ring tone and waited. Each tone was another thump of my heart, another tear from my eye, and another obnoxious thought. I bit my lip to try to stop from a cry coming out from my mouth when the time kept continuing. Then it stopped.

"Hello?" Said a deep groggy voice. Gerard. He picked up. I opened my mouth and let out a cry. A cry of what? I don't know. I couldn't seem to punch the words that have been forming in my head out of my throat as I continued to whimper. "Frankie? Hey,  what's wrong? What happened?" He asked me, his tone seeming more worried than tired all of a sudden.

"I-I just m-miss y-y-y you!" I cried a little louder than I intended. I never raised my voice at Gerard. Never. I wasn't like that's. I was quiet like my mom, small like my mom, kind like my mom. I was her mirror image almost. "The nightmares are getting w-worse, my moms really worrying m-m-me, my dad wants c-c-custody of me, and you're not here to even f-fix it. You're not here to make things b-better." I cried quietly into the phone. I heard him sigh.

"Baby, calm down, please. I don't need you hyperventilating. I'm sorry I left, I wish I didn't have to, but honey, I'm not a legal adult, I had to go. I just need you to clarify for me that you haven't left a single mark on your body..." He said and I swear I heard his voice crack. I started letting tears fall as I realized, I had let him down again.

"I'm sorry! I have, b-but I'm trying to g-get bet-ter." I clarified. Gerard always tried his damn hardest to stop me from hurting myself, and I just never listened. I always felt bad afterward, of course I did, how could I not? I let him down every time...

"Hey! Hey, baby, it's okay! I know you are, I can tell you're trying, it's okay. We all have bad days and we all have different ways on dealing with them. I've been hurting too baby, I get it." I stopped and thought. He hurt too? I was talking about physical pain-was he? I was worried.

"Wait? What's wrong?" I asked as anxiety started to rise in my stomach along with nausea.

"Nothing. I just miss you." He said, his voice rising an octave. I didn't believe him, not at all. I raised an eyebrow, then finally rendering that he couldn't see me. Gerard wasn't the person to drop hints about things, he was a straight forward guy. 

"Gerard, seriously, what's up?" I asked with a low tone. Maybe if he realized I was serious he would tell me what was wrong. 

"I said I'm fine, okay!" His volume rose, and his tone became more harsh.  I shook my head as tears pricked my eyes yet again, and my throat burned from the lack of volume coming from me, and the amount coming from him. There was a silence before I heard him sigh. "I'm sorry I yelled.." He apologized. I sat there, still shocked and hurt from his outburst. He never yelled at me like that, let alone getting frustrated with me. "Baby, I'm sorry I yelled. There's just-- a lot going on. I just miss you being around me.." He admitted. I nodded and wiped my tears away. 

"I miss you too, Gee. I'm sorry I woke you up." I said as I looked at my battered fingernails. 

"You wake me up anytime, honey. I just need you to be okay." He admitted to me. I smiled at his words. This was the Gerard I was used to. 

"I'm okay. I love you." 

"I love you too, Frankie. Now get some sleep." He chuckled. I smiled and agreed, then I hung up. I laid back down in bed, still thinking about him. This was a lot harder than I thought, a lot harder then I even worried it would be. We could do it though, I knew we could. I fell asleep to worried thoughts about school, my mom, and mostly Gerard. Something was wrong.. There was something he wasn't telling me... 

Not proof read....