The Truth Hurts

78 │going in circles

Lying down on her bed, Kris stares up at the ceiling fan above her and watches as it slowly rotates clockwise. She grabs her phone, which lies on the sheets next to her, and lifts it above her head to glimpse at the already lit up screen.

Still no word from Jesse.

Concerned, she drops the phone back to the sheets and rubs at her forehead. What if he lost interest in her? Or worse... what if something happened to him?

Feeling a sudden chill run through her body, she sits up and lowers her bare feet to the floor. Regardless of whether it's the actual temperature in the house or just her nerves getting the best of her, she finds herself grabbing the chain that dangles from the inner metal frame of the fan and pulls it. Already standing up, she turns to walk toward her bedroom door as the wooden blades of the fan ease to a slower rhythm.

Kris steps into the dark hallway and leaves the door to her room cracked open behind her. Trying not to make too much noise, as she'd rather not wake up her parents in the middle of the night, she practically walks on her tiptoes past the top of the staircase and into the restroom. She flicks on the light and slowly closes the door behind her until she hears a light click from the latch.

As she turns around, she pauses and takes a moment to thoroughly look at herself in the mirror. From her messy hair to her raggedy jersey and house shorts, then to the dark circles weighing in under her eyes, it looks like she hasn't slept for the past couple of nights. And, with everything going on, she really hasn't.

Just one day. Sure, that doesn't sound like much. But when you're used to speaking with someone several times throughout just one day and then, out of the blue, they suddenly quit responding to your texts and calls. It's not normal. Especially in this town where it seems like every other day a new body arrives at the morgue. She figures that the least he could do is respond with a single word to acknowledge her. Something just to let her know that he's still alive.

But instead, she gets a day of silence. Something that is completely unlike Jesse. Surely, if he was able to, he would reach out to her as soon as possible. Perhaps he had a family emergency come up, or maybe he dropped his phone and cracked the screen. She could just be jumping to conclusions.

After turning the faucet marked with the letter 'C', she leans down to splash the running cold water onto her face. Almost instantly, she feels more awake than before and closes her eyes to splash another handful across her cheeks. She turns the handle to cut off the water and tilts her head back up to look in the mirror. Grabbing a small cloth that is folded on the handle of a nearby drawer, she uses it to dab at her face until her skin feels dry. She flicks the light back off before stepping back into the hallway and pauses.

Kris stands still for a few seconds before she begins to walk but, instead of heading back to her bedroom, she heads the opposite direction toward another room further down the short hall. Centered on the white door is a cardboard sign, really the inside of a ripped shoebox lid, that reads the words 'Keep Out!' poorly written with a permanent marker. She grabs the door handle but finds herself hesitating, not sure of whether or not she's emotionally prepared to step into her little brother's room.

Although she's found herself wandering in there several times after his death, each time ends with the same result. Her curling up on his bed, leaning against the wall, or dragging her feet back to her room sobbing. No matter how much time passes, when she sees just a glimpse of any of his belongings—let alone his actual bedroom—she can't help but feel as if her heart is being ripped out from her chest all over again. She imagines that, at one point or another, she will eventually be able to numb the pain. Maybe not overcome it, but learn how to suppress it. She twists the doorknob, just as a sudden noise comes from her own room. Although she can barely hear it through the walls, it still startles her to the point where she nearly jumps.