You sat on my shoulders and reached up to place the star on top of the tree.
"Got it!" you shouted in triumph.
I chuckled and lowered you to the ground.
"Who needs ladders when you got an Adam?" you said with a smile.
It was our first Christmas together. It was so nice to see which traditions we mixed together.
Yours of putting up the Christmas tree on December first and mine of putting up the star on Christmas Eve. Mine of buying an abundance of presents and yours of opening one on Christmas Eve.
"Which one am I opening?" I asked you.
Your hair was in a messy bun and your glasses sat on your nose as you looked at the various presents.
Finally you picked up one that was medium sized.
"This one," you said.
"Heavy," I said, lifting the box up and down for emphasis.
You rolled your eyes. "Just open it."
I tore open the package to find a photo album.
I quickly flipped through it.
It was filled with pictures of us together along with pictures of me that you had taken without my knowledge. Me driving, sleeping, watching TV. There was also quotes such as make love, memories and coffee and there are a million ways to love but not one is sane.
I smiled. "I love it, El."
You smiled back and turned to the tree. "Now which one do I open?" you asked.
I pulled one that somehow got behind the tree.
You tore through the paper like a toddler on Christmas Day.
"Adam," you sighed and pulled out the note. "I don't know how to write books, that will always be your thing but I can try. P.S I'm really bad at titles. Adam and Ella's Coffee Shop Adventure."
You smiled. "It's perfect." You placed it by the tree and kissed me.
I kissed you back and slowly pushed you to the couch.
You pulled my shirt over my head and smirked. "Merry Christmas indeed," you said and kissed me again.
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Josh knocks at my door now.
He's the only one who sees me on Christmas now a days.
"You okay?" he asks.
I nod. "I went to therapy two days ago, I'm fine." I push the door open wider for him.
He walks through the threshold. "Merry Christmas," he says.
"You too," I say.
"Holding up okay?" he asks.
"I visited her grave today," I say. "Left some flowers and a present."
"What was it?" he asks, settling into my couch.
"The ring I should have given her at the altar," I say, sitting next to him.
He smiles grimly. "She would have loved it."
"I know," I say. "I wish she was here to see this all. Her book blowing up, becoming a New York Times Bestseller, the book becoming a movie in her honour."
"I miss her too, man," he says. "I've never seen two people love each other as much as you two did."
"Do," I correct. "I still love her, and she loved me until her dying breath."
Josh pulls me in for a hug. "It's okay."
I nod against his shoulder.
He pulls away and stands up. "I have to go," he says. "But you can call me if anything happens." He hands me a gift bag. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," I say as he lets himself out.
I open the bag. Inside is a picture of you and me. We stand in front of the Coffee Shop where we met, rain pouring down around us as we kissed.
I hug the picture close to my chest as tears fall down my cheeks.
If only I had known that our first Christmas would also be our last. I would have told you I loved you more, held you tighter, kissed you harder.
I miss you, El. Wherever you are, Merry Christmas.
