boys like u | philkas

chapter four

Lukas' POV

It was Monday again. The worst day of the whole week. I wasn't sure of what was gonna take place today. I mean, I had such an amazing time with Philip on Friday night but I'm still "with" Rose. I'm scared to break up with her, because I do love her but I don't love her in the way you should love your girlfriend.

But I do love Philip. Then again, I'm not ready to be seen with him. I'm not ashamed of him, I'm ashamed of myself. I've come to the fact that I am gay, but I'm not ready to come out and say it to the whole town. I know Philip understands that.

I saw him as I was walking into school with Rose. He looked at me but looked back down at his phone as soon as we made eye contact. I wish he didn't do that, I wish he didn't just look away out of fear of me snapping at him in school. But I know myself and my ways, I would have been a dick to him if anyone noticed him staring at me.

"You're coming to my party tonight, right?" Rose asked, I nodded, going through my locker to get what I needed.

"I'll be there." I said.

We started to walk to class but someone bumped into me. I was was about to tell them to watch where the fuck they were going but I seen the familiar brown eyes and brown mop of hair.

"Sorry." I spoke, he looked shocked but continued walking. Rose looked at me funny, like I did the exact opposite of what I should've done. Which I did, but I couldn't bring it in me to be mean to him.

--

"We're gonna be working in pairs today, okay? But I've chosen the pairs, so don't go running up to your friends," Mr. Issac spoke, he grabbed a piece of paper and started naming the pairs. "Shea and Waldenbeck."

"Don't put Luke with that fag!" Someone from the back yelled, it was on of my friends, Bryan. I looked back at him, and scrunched my brows together.

"Bryan, watch your mouth." Mr. Issac ordered.

"Bryan don't you have some cheerleader to trick into fucking you." Philip said, crossing his arms across his chest, looking back at the board.

"Don't you have some dick sucking to do, Shea?" I said without thinking, everyone laughed. I felt so bad, I almost got up and left.

"Fuck you." Philip muttered, gripping his pencil tightly in his hand.

"You wish." I said, once again everyone laughing. I saw him grabbing his book and soon enough it was flying past me. "Woah, Shea, calm down." I laughed.

He grabbed his backpack and left, he just left. I felt my heart race and nearly break in half. Rose was looking at me, exasperated, shaking her head. I just picked up his book and put it in my backpack.

--

Philip's POV

After what happened with Lukas in class, I practically ran all the way back home and locked myself in my room. I had music blaring, I was crying. I couldn't control it. I never really cry, I've learned to hold it in.

But, right now, at this very moment I felt so broken. Lukas was so amazing this weekend, and then Monday comes along and it's all the same. He makes me feel like I'm worth nothing at school. Like he doesn't love me.

"Philip? Are you home?" Helen was yelling through the house. I nearly had a heart attack. I wiped the tears off with the palm of my hands and turned the music off.

"Yeah." I spoke, my voice cracking. She opened my door, walking in and I knew she noticed my distraught appearance.

"Honey, are you okay? Did something happen at school?" She asked, worriedly.

"Nothing, it's okay." I said, my eyes and voice betraying me as my voice broke and tears came down my face once again.

"You can talk to me, Philip." She stated, I nodded.

"I thought I made a good friend, but they weren't up for being my friend at school." I explained, she looked at me confused.

"Is this about Lukas Waldenbeck?" She asked, her eyebrows scrunching. I nodded. "Are you guys dating?" She asked softly.

"Not quite." I said.

This began a whole rant, she listened intently. She actually cared, she gave me advice, she hugged me. She comforted me. Then Gabe came home and we had a "Family Night". It was nice.

Until there was a knock on the door Gabe got up and got it and I heard some murmurs and then Gabe was the walking in with Lukas. My eyes went wide and I was about to get up to leave when he spoke.

"Philip, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, I really am. I shouldn't have done that today, I don't know why I did it." He said, walking closer to me. I shook my head.

"I'm not your bitch, Lukas. I'm not here for you to push me around and for you to treat me like shit in front of your stupid friends." I yelled, Helen and Gabe looked taken aback.

"Can we please go talk in the barn or something?" Lukas asked softly. I could see his sincerity in his eyes.

"Philip, go talk to him." Gabe said, pointing his head towards Lukas. "You remember what I told you about the good pain in your belly?" I nodded, remembering when we went out to the lake and he told me about how he felt when he met Helen.

"I'll meet you out there," I spoke to Lukas, he smiled. He nodded and then walked out the door. "Thank you." I said to Helen and Gabe, they smiled at me and then they were practically pushing me out of the door.

On the way to the barn I just kept thinking of what to do; what to say. I want to be with him more than anything because when I'm with him I have these butterflies in my stomach, they make me feel amazing. I feel like I'm loved.. when he isn't treating me like a rag doll.

"I know I'm an asshole, I know I fuck up a lot. But, Philip Shea, my stomach hurts when I'm around you. A good pain." Lukas spoke as soon as he saw me enter the barn door.

I didn't even know what to say. Everything I was planning to say just blew away with the wind. My heart was speeding up as he was walking closer and closer to me. Soon enough he was inches away from my face. He placed his hands on my face gently, it felt like a feather touching me. He leaned in and captured my lips.

It was the most amazing kiss we've shared, it only lasted a few seconds but it felt real. It felt as if all the love and compassion we shared for each other these past couple months was put into one kiss; one moment.