boys like u | philkas

chapter five

Lukas' POV

Me and Philip were still in the barn, it's been a couple hours since the kiss. He told me he loved me, that he had the same stomach pain. But he also cried, he punched me repeatedly in my chest. He told me if I fuck up one more time he was gonna leave.

I promised him that I wouldn't purposely hurt him again if it was up to me.

Now, we are sitting on a bale of hay, he's leaning against me. My eyes are closed as I listen to the playlist he made.

He had a random mix of songs. I was surprised by the various songs he put on the playlist. The one song that I loved the most was Friends by Ed Sheeran. Mostly because Philip was singing softly to it.

"I love you, boo." I said softly, running my fingers through his hair. He looked up at me, a faint smile on his lips.. but then it dropped.

"What about Rose?" He asked sadly. "You're gonna just go back to her tomorrow and this moment, right now, won't mean anything anymore." He said in a rush.

"I broke up with her before coming over here, I told her that I couldn't do it anymore. She knows. She knew all along, she knew that I liked you before I even knew that I liked you." I told him. I could see his worries wash away, the color coming back to his face.

"Does that mean you're gonna tell everyone?" When he asked that my heart stopped for a second.

"I-I'm scared, Philip. Everything I've ever known growing up was a man and a woman. Adam and Eve. Ya know? That's how this town is. But you came along and everything changed, in a good way. I can't even imagine what would happen if we came out." A few tears slipped from my eyes.

"You can do it whenever you're ready. You don't have to talk to me at school, I promise I'll understand. Don't talk to me, okay? I want you to do it when it's safe." He told me. I was surprised by what he said. I'm scared of the outcome but I don't wanna hide him anymore.

"I'm gonna tell my dad tonight," I told him, he sat up, looking at as if I was insane. "It'll be okay. I think. I know my dad loves me, he'll come to his senses after a while atleast."

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked me, I shook my head. It'll be harder that way, he might yell at Philip.

"I'm gonna go tell him now. I'll text you later, okay?" I pecked his lips, he looked up at me as I got up a slight pout on his lips. I pulled him up with me and pulled him closer to me and kissed him again before walking away.

--

The whole ride home I was thinking of what to say and what to do. I didn't know what to expect of what's to come. I've never imagined telling him, telling him I was in love with a boy.

As soon as I walked into the house, I heard the television playing. I walked into the living to see him sitting on the couch, a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"Dad? Can I talk to you?" I asked, he looked up at me. He had a worried look on his face, he sat up a little bit. He set down his drink  and turned the TV on mute.

"Yeah, what's up, son?" He asked, concerned. I sat down in the chair to the side of him, looking down at the coffee table.

"Dad, for a while now I've been kind of.. I don't know, realizing who I am? I've met someone, someone I care about and they've made me realize what I've been missing my whole life, why I've felt so different growing up." He looked confused, like he was trying to put everything together in his head.

"What's going on, Luke?"

"I like someone, who isn't Rose. And they aren't female. I wouldn't so much as say like, I love him." My heart was beating in my ears and I was a stuttering mess. I could see his facial expression change. He looked kind of angry.

"Is it that Philip boy down at Helen and Gabe's? What has he got you thinking? My son isn't gay!" He raised his voice at me, standing up. God, I should've waited till he wasn't drinking.

"Dad, he didn't make me this way, this is who I am. I've always been this way." I spoke up, I could feel my blood boiling inside of me.

"Give me your phone! Go to room, you're grounded and you aren't hanging out with that boy anymore." He held his hand out waiting for my phone.

I could feel my eyes burning and I could feel my throat tightening. I didn't wanna fight with him so I just handed him my phone and ran up the stairs, slamming my bedroom door. I slid down my wall, my body shaking and a loud cry leaving me.