Guilty Pleasure

10. Surprise

I couldn’t sleep.

Ben had walked me home, holding my hand and leaving me to my thoughts. He seemed to understand that I needed time to process what had just happened, and that even if I’d wanted to, I wouldn’t have been able to form coherent sentences. I thought my heart wouldn’t be able to take any more, but he’d kissed me again on the doorstep before driving off. Several hours later, my lips were still tingling. I doubted they would stop any time soon.

I just had my first kiss.

Without a doubt, I knew that this was my first kiss. What had happened this summer was merely lip-to-lip contact. What had happened tonight was a kiss. A wonderful, sweet, soft kiss.

I turned over on my bed and faced the wall.

When I’d gotten home, I’d hurried up to my room without interacting with anybody. Even though it was illogical, I felt like my family was going to be able to tell I’d kissed Ben just by the look on my face, and I didn’t think I had the energy to explain what had happened. I didn’t trust myself to keep from blurting it out accidentally, either.

After tossing and turning for about an hour without making any progress in getting Ben out of my mind and falling asleep, I had opted for reading. When I couldn’t sleep, I’d usually grab a book and read until my eyes got tired, and I could usually fall asleep quickly. The results were usually better when it was a book I’d read several times; if I tried a new book, I’d sometimes get hooked and end up finishing it during the night.

That night, however, reading seemed to wake me up even more. I tried picking up several of my all-time favorites, but every time something even remotely romantic happened, I’d think about Ben, and about how our date was even better, and about how kissing somebody in real life did feel as good as the books described it – maybe even better.

I turned away from the wall.

Around fifteen minutes after I’d gotten home, I’d received a text from Ben. It read, Just got home. Thanks for today, I had an amazing time.

That had set off a whole new wave of thoughts. Had he really enjoyed himself? Was I doing it all right? Did I make a fool of myself? Was I a good kisser? I didn’t really have much to compare it with, but I had a feeling that Ben was an exceptionally good kisser – or at least a more-than-decent one. From what I’d heard and read, first kisses were not always the most pleasurable experiences; they were often awkward and uncomfortable. Mine had been nice. I still didn’t know what I was doing, but Ben had made it easy to follow along.

I turned to look up at the ceiling. This is going to be a long night.

***

Somehow, I’d managed to fall asleep.

As soon as I woke up the next morning, yesterday’s events came back to me, and my heart fluttered at the memories. I sat up and raised my fingers to my lips, as if by touching them I would be able to ascertain that it hadn’t all been a dream.

I kissed Ben.

Ben actually likes me.

And as ridiculous as I knew I was being, I couldn’t resist letting out a soft giggle as I fell back onto my pillows. At the memory of his lips against mine, my lips started to tingle again, and I could feel my cheeks heating up on their own. I was a thousand percent sure that the next time I saw Ben, I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye without my face turning scarlet.

As if I didn’t blush enough already.

I grabbed my phone to check for messages, and found four – from Annie, Iris, Meredith, and Mark, all asking how my date had gone. I groaned at the thought of my friends’ reactions. I texted Mark that I’d tell him at school on Monday, and told my other three friends to come over for lunch. It would be much better to get it over with as soon as possible.