I Said No

Chapter thirty one

A couple of days ago I told my friend Miranda what happened. It was simple, she hugged me tight, cooked me dinner, and we watched bad reality tv. I slept over and we stayed up in bed talking about our lives; family, friends, lovers. It was a beautiful evening of friendship. This has been what I have been missing. My friends. Their love.

Each time I tell another friend, it all feels a little better. I feel less weight on my heart, less struggle, less pain. Before it happens I feel sick with anticipation, but afterwards I am greeted with sincere love.

I have wonderful friends. Even after I took a break from everyone; unanswered texts and phone calls, cancellation after cancellation of plans, complete disregard to anything they needed, they are all still here for me. Each and every one of them has welcomed me back with open arms. I am so grateful.

I'm heading back to her house now because she has invited me for dinner again. It was nice hanging out last time. We didn't drink, just giggled and gossiped and ate a bunch of junk food. It felt normal. It felt like my life before it happened.

I pull up to her grandfather's home. He is getting older and needs help doing the everyday things so Miranda moved in with him to help where she could. Be that doing laundry, making sure he is fed and takes his medicine, or just avoid him walking around town and being lost in his underwear, which has happened, she's there for him.

Before I can walk into her door, she has already opened it and I am greeted with a hug. She's wraps her arms around me. We are just about the same height, our cheeks pressed against each other in our embrace, her blonde hair rests on my shoulder. She lets go and gives me a big smile.

"Dinner is almost done," she says as she walks into the house.

"What are we having?" At the mention of food my stomach begins to growl.

"Pizza, I got your favorite, gourmet vegetarian."

"Yum. That sounds great."

"You're coming to my birthday party right?" She says with a large smile of anticipation on her face, her eyes large and hopeful.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." A party with our friends sounds fun. My old high school crew. That is how I know Miranda. We went to school together in Oregon.

Once I moved back we got pretty close. We would hang out and eat and gossip. That was our relationship. Mostly her gossiping. She is friends with a lot of people in very different crowds and always has the latest gossip from her friends' lives.

I assume she tells me knowing I would never tell. I remember when she told me about her and another one of our friends starting to hook up. It was her first woman partner. Almost every time I would come over she would delve deeper and deeper into their complex relationship. Or there was another girl, she got an abortion and Miranda told me about that. Anyway, she always has crazy big gossip that she entrusted me with. It is always interesting to hear what other people are going through.

Beep. Beep. Beep. The oven timer sounds.

"Pizza time. You sit here. I'll get it all ready," she says as she rushes to the kitchen. I hear her banging around in the other room.

I get on my phone and check out Facebook. What better way to waste time? I check out her event for her birthday and see who she has invited. I can't wait to go. More of these interactions need to happen.

I scroll through the names: Timmy, one of my great friends I haven't seen in forever, Layla, Jessica. This will be fun. As I continue reading the names, a smile takes control of my face. Nicole, Aaron, more friends I would love to see.