Summer Haze

chapter 1

Title and story inspired by the song "In Sumerian Haze" by Sirenia

~

Bilbo emerged from the woods, back from one of his cherished summer indulgences – gathering wild mushrooms and berries to take home and make into delicious recipes. It had been over a year since he had done that last, and much had changed in the meantime. Today his basket of fresh, flavory things was for two.

At the edge of the forest, Thorin lay on his back in the grass shaded by a great ash tree, his left arm folded under his head. Wearing no armour or furs, eyebrows relaxed and eyes shut in a very good impression of peaceful rest, he seemed to be napping. And yet, his right hand appeared a little too aware that it was residing around the hilt of his sword. Bilbo deposited the basket on the ground and sat down next to the dozing dwarf, leaning against the trunk of the ash. Without opening his eyes, Thorin shifted on one side and settled his head into Bilbo’s lap. The sword got tucked between them, but still within quick reach, while Thorin’s right hand curled around Bilbo’s knee instead.

“So, in addition to being the King’s Consort, I’m also the King’s Pillow,” teased Bilbo.

“If you don’t mind,” droned Thorin, looking utterly pleased with that arrangement.

“I don’t, actually,” said Bilbo, sweeping back a thick wave of hair that had winded around Thorin’s throat. “Berry?” he fumbled a bit in his basket, then extracted a truly luscious raspberry and took it close to Thorin’s lips.

“Mm?” moaned Thorin, scrunching up his eyebrows and pulling his head back slightly. He opened a suspicious eye to examine Bilbo’s offering.

“Do you want a berry?” Bilbo rearticulated. “I’ve got a nice ripe one for you.”

Having decided that the little fruit was worth a try, Thorin opened his mouth and received the raspberry from Bilbo, then resettled in his lap, munching with mild satisfaction.

“Good?”

Thorin used the same interjection from before to indicate approval, and Bilbo smiled, resolving to just let him be.

He gazed instead at his surroundings. They were in a clearing at the edge of the forest over the top of the Hill, with a rather nice, wide view of part of Hobbiton. He remembered the last look that he had taken before following Gandalf, Thorin and the rest of the company on the promised adventure. It had been a chilly spring morning that had actually put a spring in his step away from home, not a warm summer evening as it was now, tempting him to just sit there in the scented grass and enjoy the moment. Nothing like a summer evening in the Shire, watching the sky changing colours. That was what Bilbo used to think. No, he believed it with the same firmness of his conviction that there would always be a Baggins living in Bag End. Something broke inside him, like a crack rising on the sides of a china bowl, branching out into a ghostly tree, as he felt, surely, that the firmness of his love for the Shire was no longer there. Impossible to control, a sob of pain surged through his chest.

Thorin heard and turned his head to look up, his eyes icy clear. Bilbo looked down, knowing that there was no time to try and hide. Instead, he placed a hand on the side of Thorin’s forehead, his fingers digging a little into it and finding with invariable surprise that the dwarf’s skin was warmer than he expected it to be.

Thorin sat up, his gaze fixed on Bilbo’s, growing with worry and questions.

“Hold me?” whispered Bilbo.

Thorin drew closer, opening his arms, and Bilbo nestled tightly against his chest even if it was still hot enough outside.

“Have I done something?” asked Thorin, as he closed his arms around the hobbit, who felt himself shrinking under their weight.

Bilbo snorted lightly. “You have done plenty. You’ve changed me, Thorin. I am not the same hobbit that I was when I decided to go on your quest.” He was aware of a note of agony dancing in his voice. “This place was my world. I was in love with it.”

“I know,” said Thorin, caressing his hair.

“I don’t, I don’t feel that way anymore.”

“Ah, I see now what it is that I have done. Forgive me, Bilbo, I certainly did not mean to take anything away from you. And I understand better now why you love it here so much. I wish that you did not have to leave for me.”

“That’s the thing,” said Bilbo, pulling himself from Thorin’s embrace to see him properly. “I, I know that I would miss it, but I think that I would miss you more. And, for some reason, I really don’t know why, but it makes me sad.”

Thorin gave him a comforting glance. “Leaving home is never easy.”

“Even when I know that I would be unhappy here alone?”

“Even then. You know, you do not have to part with your home forever. I can appoint someone to take care of it, make sure that unwelcome relatives do not appropriate anything you do not want given. I would not keep you from visiting from time to time.”

Bilbo opened his mouth, but nothing came out for a while. "Only if you come with me," he said, finally, stunned by Thorin's generosity.

“I may not be able to do that. But I am sure that Fili and Kili would love another round at your pantry. And I know that they have also roused the curiosity of my sister.”

“Thorin, I -”

“I know the sacrifice that you are making to be with me,” said Thorin, his hands wrapping caringly around Bilbo’s ears. “I want you to know that it does not have to be complete.”

Bilbo felt the sting of tears. He plunged again into the dwarf’s arms, and stayed there until it passed.

“Do you want to go back? It is getting dark. And I am getting hungry,” said Thorin eventually.

Bilbo had rarely been so grateful for a laugh, taking away for an instant the veil of sorrow that had settled over his heart. “Yes, you’re right,” he said, straightening himself again. “I stuffed myself full of all sorts of berries. I forgot it’s been hours since we had a proper meal.”

They both got up, Bilbo taking his basket of delicacies. The return journey was made in complete silence, and that is how they entered Bag End, wordlessly, first Bilbo, then Thorin. Bilbo made for the kitchen and laid the basket on the table.

Thorin followed behind. “Is there anything I can do now?” he asked.

Bilbo turned and smiled. “Well, you could kiss me and remind me that I am making the right choice.”

Thorin grinned. He came closer. He did as asked. It was a ravishing, passionate kiss that made Bilbo think not of Shire sunsets, lovely seed cake and greening gardens.

Taking a while to come back into more respectable senses, he eventually found his ability to speak again. “Hmm, I think it’s starting to come back to me.”

With a subtle smile that contained a certain amount of pride, Thorin sat on the bench near the table. “Perhaps it was not such a good idea to come here at this time.”

“Oh, it was a very good idea. Where else do you think we might have found such wonderful raspberries?” Thorin stared at him, not taking the bait. “Look, I’ll be all right. I promise. Now let’s see about getting you fed.”