Suzy's big adventure

Chapter 2

With her clothing slipping off her thin, malnourished, morbidly obese frame revealing her potato-sack bra, her stolen heels from a McDonald's happy meal causing raging blisters due to her allergic reaction to them and her makeup looking like a naked mole rat who was roadkill on the side of the motorway, Suzy sure was a pleasant sight. And Daddy Dog surely felt that way as well.

"MY MY, YOU WOULD MAKE A FINE CAPTAIN'S MATE." He bellowed, deafening Suzy's eardrum, eartrumpet, eartenortrumpet and earcurlingbrassband. Her kettle drums echoed, as the mutt whispered, "Soulmate" into her bleeding orifice.  She leapt back, and offered to help clean up the place - y'know, to make a good first impression. The place sure was filthy, though - ever since Mummy dog was assassinated in Bern, the capital of Switzerland in the raging summers of 96', no one bothered to clean this sweltering shack of hormonal three year olds getting pleasure from a malformed potato stripping on a snot-encrusted pole.

Daddy dog leaped at the chance, wanting his wildest fantasies to come true. Ever since he was a little pup, he always wanted to see a small ewe in an oversized hoodie; it is so kawaii! He wrenched open his wardrobe full of saucy outfits and a dead Rebecca carcass, and fished out a festering, navy hoodie.  He winked to the crippled tramp in the corner, Hobo Joe, who had supplied him with all the correct measurements of the child's body. In exchange, he would get free CCTV footage of the club, 24/7. Daddy dog, the biological father of Danny Dog, age 4, who commonly wears purple, satin gowns, tried to close the door, but the sheep flung her ultimate frisbee into the frame to stop it from the laws of motion.

"Hey Rebecca! I haven't seen you in a while!" She giggled horrendously, skipping into the broom cupboard. The only response she got was the delighted moan from the Hobo who, naturally, was filing the child. Daddy Dog hissed angrily, seawater flying out of his mouth and burning the child's skin like acid. Suzy leapt back, and arsked, "Why isn't she talking?"
Daddy dog blew a fuse. "ARE YOU A BLOODY IDIOT-" he bellowed, before being interrupted by the sound of 'The Sea song" being played. He whipped round, and saw Suzy busking next to the pole with a broken cornet, begging the crowd for a penny for the poor. I mean, at least she was earning money. But that wouldn't be enough to buy the booze...