You remember?

Home?

It was already dark outside when he came home. Winter was just around the corner so every day the sun disappeared a little earlier, leaving cold and darkness. Ian was glad that he finally got into the warm house full of life after he walked almost half an hour, freezing his ass off just because the fucking L didn't work again.

"Hey!" Fiona said. She was in the kitchen preparing dinner and looking pretty happy. Ian figured it was because for the first time in ages everybody of the Gallagher family including Kev and V plus their twins was home to have dinner together. He knew that his big sister had been having a hard time getting used to the fact that Ian and his older brother Lip nearly moved out and his younger one Carl spent more time in juvie than at home. But because there were so many Gallagher siblings she had at least Debbie, her daughter and little Liam hanging around. Still she was clearly thrilled that they would spend time all together like in old times.

Apparently Ian was not in the mood. Not in the mood for this oh-everything-is-so-great shit because it fucking wasn't. So he just mumbled "hey", nodded towards Fiona but completely ignored his other siblings and his favorite neighbors as he went upstairs, knowing she would come to ask what was going on within the next thirty seconds.

Right after Ian sat down on his bed Fiona entered the room without knocking. He sighed as she stood in front of him, crossed arms looking at her little brother waiting for an explanation. Something he wouldn't or couldn't give to her. As he didn't say anything Fiona sat down next to him leaning her head against his shoulder. "We don't have to talk about it. Just come downstairs and eat with us" she said. Ian didn't respond and they just sat there on his bed he had slept in since he was a little kid and which suddenly felt like home. He recently had been struggling with calling a place home. This bed and this room were just filled with memories. Good and bad ones and all of them made this place his home. "What are you making for dinner?" Ian asked all over sudden. He himself was surprised he asked such a typical small talk question but he noticed that he was really hungry actually.

"SHIT!" Fiona cursed, jumped off the bed and ran down into the kitchen. Ian followed her slowly and when he got downstairs he saw Fiona quickly moving the pans on the stove.

"You're cooking shit?" he said with a weak smile on his face leaning onto the counter to get a glance at the food. Fiona chuckled. "No, I just forgot that I have goddamn food on the stove" she answered and then smiled at him. "But at least I got you down here." Ian still didn't really feel like eating with the whole Gallagher squad but neither did he want to disappoint Fiona and he was actually quite hungry so he just nodded and went to grab the dishes. When he was done putting everything on the table he went to the living room that was completely stuffed with people. Lip was sitting on the couch little Gemma in his arms who was sleeping. Next to him sat Kev holding the other twin and leaning against him there was V almost asleep. On the other side of her, right on the edge of the couch Svetlana laid, her head in V's lap. Carl got the armchair all for himself so Debbie and Liam were sitting on the floor all wrapped up in blankets to keep warm. Only shitty daddy Frank was missing which Ian and of course everybody else as well was glad about. Only Frank? No, something else was missing. Someone else. Ian shook his head trying not to think about that person. Instead he slumped down next to Liam and looked at the TV. "Aye, shithead!" Lip said. "Fuck off" Ian spat and he knew Lip smirked. Now everyone else had to say how great it was to see him but finally he could focus on the movie they were watching. Inglorious basterds. He had watched it like three times already so he covered Liam's eyes every time it would get to bloody and tried not to think of the first time he had watched the movie. Or better: with whom.

About fifteen minutes later Fiona called for dinner so Carl paused the movie before heading straight to the table knowing he would have to be fast to get a spot there. After ages of moving chairs all over the kitchen, a broken glass, Gemma crying and Debbie and Carl fighting over a spaghetti they finally were all seated. Well, Gemma and Amy were sleeping in the little travel bed upstairs next to Debbie's daughter Franny but everyone else actually found some place to eat. Carl, Debbie, Fiona, Kev, Ian, Liam and Lip got a chair at the table and only Svetlana and V had to take a stool to sit at the counter.

It was loud. Too loud for Ian. They were just screaming at each other trying to be heard. It wasn't any different than it had used to be but Ian just couldn't stand it. He finished his pasta as fast as he could and stood up, put his plate into the dishwasher and walked upstairs. This time no one followed him. They knew when they should really leave him alone. He could still hear them. The Gallagher house was never quiet. Ian laid down on his bed, crawled under his blanket and tried to not think of anything. Not anyone. Of course it didn't work. He was just turning from one side to the other wanting to get some sleep when his phone buzzed. He grabbed it from the table next to the bed and unlocked the screen. It was Caleb. Ian shut the call off and put the phone back. His phone went off again a couple times until he finally slipped into a uneasy sleep.