You remember?

Can we talk?

Ian stayed in bed all day feeling like shit. His phone buzzed like a hundred times until he switched it off. He didn't want to talk to Caleb. Untangle all the issues they had and try to fix them, because there was no way they could be fixed. Deep in his mind he had always known that something like this was going to happen since he started this relationship. He had tried to fill the huge hole in his heart but there was only one thing that could do that. Only one person. And he would probably never see this person again.

Two days later he forced himself to get up and go to work because he hoped it would distract him. It didn't work as good as he wanted it to help but at least he didn't think of it 24/7.

When he was done with his shift on Monday he went to his locker and changed just wanting to get home as fast as possible since the day had been really exhausting. Right after he said "bye" to his colleagues, the front door opened and a man entered the room. Caleb. Ian froze.

"Can we talk?" Caleb asked and before Ian could say anything his boss lead his colleagues away leaving both of them alone. Caleb didn't wait for his answer and started talking. "Ian I just want to know why" he said looking at him with a piercing look in his eyes. Ian shrugged. "I guess a relationship in which you cheat on one another doesn't really work."

"You also cheated on me." Caleb took a step towards Ian but he stopped as Ian took one backwards.

"Look, Ian. I'm sorry! I made a mistake but so did you." Ian laughed bitterly. "I 'cheated' on you because I saw you kissing that chick in the mall. Wanted to know if I could switch genders as easily as you." Caleb looked at him sadly. "Ian, I know this is not an excuse but we... you were kind of... off. We didn't do anything. Just went to work, ate and slept. You didn't talk, we didn't have sex we barely even kissed. I... I wanted to give you space because you know... and then there was Denise hitting on me and I guess I just went with it because I was horny and drunk and stupid."

Ian remained silent for a little while until he said: "When you cheated on me I thought maybe if you can do it I can do it. So I tried heterosexuality."

"You liked it?"

"No. Did you?"

"I was horny and desperate. I would have taken anyone."

"That isn't an answer to my question."

"Ian I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore but I want you to know that I want to be with you. Can you give me a second chance?" Caleb's eyes were focusing him entreatingly. Ian shrugged. "Actually it's not about the cheating. That just made me realize how bad I really want to get out of this. I'm done. I thought I made that clear by not answering your calls."

"So if it's not about the cheating in the first place, why is it then. Because of your..."

"NO! Not everything is about me being sick!" Ian shouted angrily. "Why don't you get that. I'm more than bipolar but you act like everything I do is caused by my disease. It's not. I'm just being me and I know that I can be really shitty person and I do a lot of things because of my abnormal brain but not all my choices are made by this disorder. They're made by me having the disorder. I'm tired of you saying it's ok just because you think it's the disease that made me do something."

Caleb looked at him obviously not knowing what to say. They kept staring at each other for about ten seconds until Ian said: "We just don't work. Good bye Caleb." And then he left.

It was freezing cold outside and he noticed that he forgot his hat in his locker but he couldn't go back in so he put on his hood and went home.

As soon as he got into the Gallagher house he laid down on the couch and covered himself under a blanket trying to get warm. "Hey, what're you watching?" he asked Carl who sat in his usual spot, the armchair with a giant bowl of chips on his lap. "I don't know just got here right before you and switched the TV on. Why, do you have any special requests?" Now, that Fiona had a decent job again she gave the Gallaghers a special gift for Christmas, called Netflix which was pretty awesome actually.

"How about some comedy?" Ian suggested. He felt light after he dumped Caleb, like something heavy was taken away from his mind. Now there was only his heart which felt like it had been attacked by a knife that was still in there. But he tried to ignore this feeling like he had been doing it for the past year.

They ended up watching a stupid movie and Carl laughed his ass off while Ian at least smiled a little there and then. It was almost over when their big sister came home. Fiona rushed into the house loaded with bags with groceries. "Hey! Can you please get that shit into the kitchen?" she asked and Carl paused the movie. Both brothers took some of the bags and carried them to the counter. "Holy shit, Fiona how much did you buy" Carl said looking through the items she had bought.

"Oh, I thought it was a good idea to refill all our supplies. Think ahead of worse times" she answered and Ian rolled his eyes. "You're doing great at the diner and that's not going to end." Fiona looked at him seeming to be kind of surprised. "Since when we're so optimistic?" Ian shrugged. "Since we have three bags of salt and vinegar chips" he laughed as he put them into the cupboard.

Carl had gone back on the couch but Ian didn't join him. Instead he helped Fiona putting everything away and then started making dinner. He cooked his famous mac'n cheese for just the three of them because Liam and Debbie both had a sleepover, tomorrow it was a day off from school, and Lip was on campus. While he was eating, Ian's mood changed. He knew this was going to happen. The thing with Caleb cheered him up but only for a very limited time and he felt like crap again unable to ignore the knife in his heart. A knife he had placed there himself. He was aware that it was partly because of his meds he just took, which easily messed with his feelings but they weren't the actual reason why he felt that way. Felt like he couldn't breath.

"I'm done. Can I go?"

Fiona nodded. Didn't ask. Knew he just wanted to be alone and letting him.

He laid down on his bed listening to the voices of his siblings downstairs before he dozed off.