When We Bloom

IX

DEC. 25TH

Merry Christmas, Ada Moretti. 

Your hospital room is starting to get full. Doctor Chatterjee, Doctor Berkowitz, Nurse Langdon, they all came in. There are so many bouquets around you. I keep expecting you to sit up and smell the flowers. I brought you a glass of eggnog, the kind you always liked, steamy and warm. (No candy canes, just like I promised years back.) 

Chatterjee tried to give me a box of chocolate, but I told her to give it to her kids at home. I don't want anything for Christmas. I'm in my old room right now. Once I finish this recording, I'm going out to eat dinner with my parents and Akane. 

My old room is covered with pictures of us. A few months after we became friends, your sister Linnea gave you that little polaroid camera, and you started snapping pictures everywhere. That night, you and Akane and I went out to the Orchid for dinner together.

After we finished dinner, we took a stroll around Lake Hugo. The moonlight fell in shafts through the treetops, and I fixed my eyes ahead. You gripped your polaroid, laughing, and snapped pictures of Akane. 

"And then Berkowitz tells him to, and I quote, get his head out of his ass and into the binder, because these rounds aren't going to do themselves," you declared. "It was iconic. Janany and I were trying so hard to stifle our laughter.

I laughed. "Doctor Berkowitz sounds like he gives you all a lot of shit." 

"Oh, he does," you agreed.

Akane's phone pinged. She glanced down, suddenly stopping. You and I stopped, too.

"What's wrong, Akane?" you said. 

Akane's eyebrows knit. Her thumbs flashed across the keyboard.

"Is something up?" I asked my sister.

She looked up. "Listen, Ada, I am so, so sorry. Something just came up."

"What happened?"

Regret filled her face. She grasped your hands and kissed you quickly. "I love you, Ada. I'm so sorry. I promise, I'll make this up to you, but I have to go." 

"Is it about the band?" 

My sister hesitated--it was small enough that only I could notice. "Yes." 

"Oh," you said, grinning. You kissed her on the cheek and hugged her tightly. "Good luck, Akane. Stay safe." 

Akane smiled quickly, turned, and left. I watched her leave and decided not to tell you. 

When Akane left, your smile melted off your voice, vaporizing into the thin, misty lake. 

"You okay?" I said softly.

"Yeah," you said. "I don't know if I'm imagining it, but--" She passed a glance at me. "You know what, it doesn't matter." 

"You can talk to me." 

You let out a long exhale and said, "Akane's been really distant lately." 

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. We go out on dates, we text, we call each other every few days. But the hospital keeps me so busy, and I feel like Akane isn't spending that much of her time with me lately. I know it's unfair to ask that Akane carves out chunks of her life for me, and I'm happy with what we have, but something doesn't... feel right." 

"Have you talked to her about it?" 

"That's the thing. We don't talk much anymore," you said. "The hospital's taking away so much of my time. Maybe I'm the one who's being unfair on Akane." 

"Akane knows what she signed up for," I said softly. "When she started dating you, she knew it would be a commitment, because internship takes a lot from the intern. She loves you, Ada." 

"Does she?" you said. 

And the next day, Akane wouldn't come out of her room, and you stopped coming over to the Narita house. 

I don't want anything for Christmas except one thing. If only I was there for you, I could've—I could've saved you, if only, if only. 

[click]