Gasoline | Ben Parish

27

TOMORROW is the day we graduate. Tomorrow is the day we receive our assignment. Tomorrow is the day we leave this stupid base behind.

It doesn't seem real. My heart doesn't pound with excitement at the thought because it's hard for me to comprehend that it's really happening, we're finally getting the hell out of here.

I lay on my back in the dark, staring up at the top bunk. Since we're graduating, we no longer have the need for extra practice. We've already secured our place in graduation. But I find myself wishing I could roll out of bed and find my way to the training room and spend some quality time with my rifle or the punching dummy.

Everything is tense and stiff. I know I should get sleep, but just that thought adds to the stress.

It's late. Like, really late. Most of the other assholes in my squad have been able to fall asleep already. Lucky bastards.

I sigh and roll onto my side, facing Zombie's bed. I'm shocked to find that he's looking right back at me.

"You know that's kind of creepy?" I say.

He grins. "Sorry," he whispers back. "I can't sleep."

"Me neither." I bring an arm under my pillow to prop my head up better. "Why can't you sleep?"

"Dreams," Zombie mutters. His hand drifts subconsciously towards his sister's necklace looped around him like a shackle. "Why can't you sleep?"

I flop onto my back, resuming my glare at the top of Teacup's bunk. "I don't know. Nerves, I guess." I shift underneath the sheets and it makes a light scratching noise. "Tomorrow's the big day."

I turn my head to gage Zombie's reaction. He's nodding. "Tomorrow's the big day," he repeats. Then his brow furrows. "Why are you nervous?"

"I don't think 'nervous' is the best word to describe it." I wet my lips. "I think it's more... I don't really believe that it's happening, so I'm anxious to get on with it to see that it is real."

Zombie nods again. "I can't believe we're finally leaving this place." He glances down at Nugget, who is asleep and curled around one of Zombie's arms. "We're going to have to leave him behind, you know."

I frown. "Why?"

He sniffs, shaking his head while keeping his eyes downcast on Nugget. "Too young." Zombie says flatly. "Can't go out into the field until he's seven."

"I'm sorry." I'm shocked the words have slipped out. But seeing Zombie look so upset stirs some sentimental side of me. "I know how much you don't want to leave anyone behind." Another nod, another sniff. "Does he know yet?"

"I'm supposed to tell him in the morning, before the ceremony."

I bite my lip. "Do you think you'll be able to do it?"

"Honestly?" When I nod, he lets out a long sigh. He moves his free arm to be folded beneath his head. "I don't know. I want to be able to do it for Nugget. I want to be the one who tells him. But I don't want to see the look on his face." His voice breaks at the end. He takes a deep, shaking breath.

"I'm not going to cry, I promise." Zombie tells me firmly, although his body shakes slightly and his voice trembles. "I'm just... tired of this. Everything... everything hurts. It's like I can't do anything without messing up. Nothing is in my control. It sucks."

I let him rant. When he stops, breathing hard, I say, "Nothing is supposed to feel good in an alien apocalypse." I smile at the end of it, praying that he will too.

"You feel good."

I stare at him incredulously.

"You... gah, Croak, you make me feel alive. Everyone I know is dead, and everyone else used to say that I was dead, but you make me feel alive. You make me smile and laugh all the time. You make me feel warm-"

"Is this some cheesy way of you telling me that you have a crush on me?" I'm not good with feelings and all that other intimate stuff. He knows this. That's why he's not mad that I cut him off. Instead, he gives me a look that says: this goes beyond grade school bullshit.

Suddenly I feel uncomfortable, like someone is eavesdropping on our very personal conversation.

I sit up and slide the sheets off my legs. "Get up," I tell him as my feet hit the chilling floor.

"Where are we going?" He asks, but he's already moving. I get the feeling that Zombie would follow me anywhere.

"Somewhere more private," I tell him, shoving on my boots.

He freezes, perched on the edge of his bed. "Why?"

"Because..." I run my fingers through my dirty hair, gathering it into a slick ponytail. "I want to tell you something, and I think someone is listening right now."

"...I think you're paranoid."

"No," I argue, standing. My knee aches with the need to pop. My nightshirt is hiked up slightly, the edge bunched at my hips. Zombie's gaze is drawn to the exposed skin of my legs, but his eyes quickly flicker up to meet mine. "The things I want to tell you... I just don't want to chance anyone else hearing them."

Zombie grins. "Is that code for sex?"

I smirk. "You wish."

I don't wait for him to finish putting on his boots. I start for the door.

"Croak! Wait!"

I roll my eyes and cross my arms. "Hurry up."

He staggers over to me with a sleepy gait. "Seriously, though: where are we going?" Despite the physical evidence of his exhaustion, Zombie's eyes are bright and alert. "Can't we just stay in the barracks? We can go in the bathroom and turn on the water. No one will hear us."

"We're going to sit outside."

Zombie's hand catches my elbow as I try to push forward. "But what if we get caught?"

I raise my eyebrows. "You're joking, right?"

"No, I'm not." He shifts and looks at me with stern eyes. "I don't want to get in trouble a few hours before graduation. It's too risky."

I fix him with a look. "Honestly, Zombie? We're in the middle of an alien apocalypse. Live a little."

He blinks. "I'm bunking with little kids who have access to guns but probably can't spell the word 'exemplary.' I think I'm living just a little too much."

I roll my eyes but can't suppress my smile. "Are you coming with me or not?"

"Of course I'm coming with you." His hand finds mine in the dark, fingers lacing together tightly. He gives my palm a squeeze. "Let's go."