War Zones and Paradise

Chapter Sixteen, Part Four - Don't Let Me Go

I was still a little breathless when I reached the rooftop. I stepped through the door, onto the landing, immediately greeted by a candlelit table, and the smell of good food. The first to arrive, I took my seat at the table's head, looking across the ridge. The Gansevoort's pool was closed for the winter, but yellow lights glimmered above, melding with the silver stars and reflecting in the skyscrapers across the way.

I took a deep breath, admiring the night's meal--a steaming, colorful pallet of expensive food I didn't recognize and couldn't name, ready to be portioned on fancy, gold-trimmed plates. I reached for a sweating bottle of sparkling apple cider, pouring myself a glass as the roof-top's door swung open.

A'keem.

He hesitated when he saw it was only us at the table. He sat anyway, two seats down, looking at just about everything but me.

"Hey." Smiling, I waggled the cider, hoping to break the ice.

A'keem grinned back, leaning across the table to accept the bottle. When he sat down again, he was one seat closer.

Cody was next. He walked right up to the table, bypassing A'keem like he didn't exist. "You stayin' in one piece? C'mere!" He hugged me, hard, like a thousand years had passed, but I'd seen him Christmas morning. He took a seat across from A'keem, exchanging a curt nod. For tonight only, there would be a cease fire.

Steamy like a cold breeze in hot weather, Santana swept her way through the door. Peyton followed soon after, meek as a lamb. She sat alone at the far end of the table, while Santi was cozy between me and my brother. Only once did Peyton brave eye contact with Santana, who pursed her lips in reply as she raised her glass. Cheers to whooping that ass, bitch.

Tyler was last, making his entrance like I was Bob Barker and he was comin' on down. He did his thing, slapping hands with everyone at the table. Me, Tyler gathered in his arms, and kissed, like the iconic photo of the sailor and his girl in Times Square. Santi cheered and whooped, the only one at the table who had never posed a threat to our relationship.

The meal began; we laughed and talked as we ate, falling into an old rhythm we never fully left. The only one who really held back was Peyton. Every once in a while, I'd look up and notice her dragging her fork across her plate, staring listlessly into the night. Everyone here had been absolved, but Peyton still burned in the fires of her guilt. I shared that feeling. With only minutes to midnight, I knew what had to be done.

Clearing my throat, I rose from my seat. A hush enveloped the table, as five pairs of eyes landed on mine, each as beautiful and haunted as the next. Tyler drumrolled.

I laughed, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Okay, so, I'm really not good at speeches, but I figured since I'm the one who dragged you all here, I should be the one to do it."

"Here-here." Cody smugly raised his glass.

"Well, I just wanna say, I'm glad you came. All of you." I looked around the table, meeting each gaze in turn. "I know this has been a rough year for us; Erin had a really big part to play in that." I looked to the ground in shame. "Me too. I did--and said--some things I really regret, and as selfish as it sounds, I don't wanna carry that weight into the New Year. But in order to do that, I have some making up to do." I turned to my brother. "Cody, you had a life before me--and that's your business, not mine. All you've ever done is look out for me--that should be my focus. I may not always appreciate it, but I love you. Always."

Love you too. Cody mouthed the words, nodding his head my way.

"Santi... A'keem..." I smiled at them both. "I'm not sure where Tyler and I would be without you--or Nova. I hope this new year brings you guys a fresh start, and the happiness you both deserve. You guys are amazing, and I'm lucky we're friends..." Santanna grabbed my hand, squeezing. "And, Peyton--" She straightened, like her name was a whip, eyes wide at the honorable mention. Little did she know much this speech was inspired by her. "I have never been a good friend to you, even when I tried. Since I moved to New York, things have happened here, people happened--that allowed me to lose track of who I am. I could blame it on the anxiety, or falling off the roof, or just being stupid, but the truth is... I just wasn't a good person. I was angry, and I took that out on you. You didn't deserve that. You didn't push me off that fire escape, Erin did."