War Zones and Paradise

Tyler's POV #3

Lately, I've been having this dream...

Aaliyah and I are in a sailboat, alone at sea. She's fucking beautiful. I can see the sunlight on her skin, the wind moving through her hair. All I wanna to do is reach out and touch her--but I can't.

I can't because we're sinking.

Ali's crying, scooping out the water with her hands, but as much as she pours over the side, just as much comes bubbling in. I want to help, I try to, but my arms are stuck.

I can't move.

"I can't do it--I can't do it!" She's in a panic, her tears mixing with the cold sea water. "Where's your fire, Tyler? What's happened to it? Help me, Tyler! Help me!"

Help me, Tyler!

When I wake up, no matter where we are I can still hear her screams.

This time I'm wide awake.

"Tyler, what the hell are you doing, man?" A'keem slid into the driver's seat of my car, staring at me like he recognized the whip, just not the person in it. I hadn't come to the hospital parking lot to hide from the paparazzi or the cameras. I came to hide from me, from the damage I was spreading.

"I dunno. I dunno what I'm doing anymore." I stared, forlorn, at the little bottle of Fireball whiskey in my palm... then raised it to my lips. A'keem made a grab for it; I choked, spilling some of it down my shirt. "Dude! What the fu--"

"She's in there, waiting for you." A'keem rolled down the window, throwing out the whiskey. "She doesn't want her brother, she doesn't want me, she wants you. So why aren't you in there?" He was waiting for me too.

I groaned in frustration, thumping my swollen, bloody fists against the wheel. They hurt, but I knew Cody was hurting a whole lot worse right about now. "What am I supposed to say, huh? What am I supposed to do? Peyton already did what she did--it happened. It's over--"

"It's not over." A'keem sighed with me. "You're in the life, you know how this works. It's never over--not for us. You brought Aaliyah here, you wanted her in New York, remember? I told you not to do it, I told you not to get caught up with any girls back home--"

"Well, I did--"

"Exactly. So now you have to man up and go in that waiting room and handle your shit--because Aaliyah is in there blaming herself right now. She's in a bad way, you gotta set her straight."

I rubbed at the back of my neck, but this wasn't the kind of pressure you could massage away. I had let her down. Big time. "Jesus Christ, her brother. I almost killed her freaking brother..." I closed my eyes, biting down on my lip as I shook my head. "How could I do that? I wasn't thinking, I swear just reacted--"

"That's what you're upset about? You're worried Aaliyah is gonna blame you for smacking her brother around? C'mon, he deserved it--she knows that."

"You don't get it--I lost it, A'keem. I was gonna kill him..." I wanted to kill him. I stared down at my lap. "I tried to."

A'keem snorted, like he didn't believe me. Slowly, I met his gaze.

"Tyler... you can't."

"I know." I leaned back in the seat, exhaling. "I was stupid, reckless, the usual. That's why I'm glad you were there tonight. You always know how to keep me in check."

A'keem's laugh was sharp and short. "Yeah, and somehow you do a real good job at convincing Leah it's the other way around."

I grinned back at a him. "If you were with her you'd do the same, bitch." Folding my arms behind my head, I stared through the windshield to the darkness ahead. "Judge me all you want, bro. I deserve it, I've never done right by her." I could admit-no matter how far I leaped, I fell short every time. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's easy lying to her--it's not. But I'm a selfish dick and I love her, so I don't have any other choice. I mean, she looks at me like I'm this knight in shining armor, like she knows I can save her..." I shrugged, eyes on a starless night as cold and merciless as me. "So I keep playing the part. What else can I do?"