Somewhere in the Middle

She Didn't Want To

She turned around, but not quickly enough.

"Evie," he said.

With her back to him, she closed her eyes, not wanting to deal with this now. But she hadn't wanted to deal with it for the past three days either. She didn't think she ever would.

His voice was lower, and he was trying to sound amused when he said, "You can't avoid me forever, you know."

Evie could hear the hurt there, shaky just beneath his attempt at confidence. She didn't want him to be hurt.

So, she took a deep breath, and turned around, not quite meeting his eye. "I'm not avoiding you."

Lucas chuckled. "Could've fooled me."

Evie studied her hands as they laid CDs out on the table, not sure what else there was to say. Because denying it meant lying, and clearly Lucas saw right through that. She didn't want to lie to him.

She was shaking, she could feel it, and she was sure he could see it, so she kept her hands moving quickly, afraid that if she slowed down, she'd have to face him.

So, she gasped when one of his hands came over one of hers, and held it in his grip.

"Evie," he said softly, and she tried to control her breathing. "Look at me."

"No," she said before she could stop herself, but it came out weak, on a wisp of air. Had she really meant it, she would've yanked her hand away. Instead, she kept it in his, relishing the feel of his skin on hers, the urgency in the squeeze of his fingers.

"Why?"

"Because I can't."

He didn't let go, but his other hand came up so quickly, Evie didn't have time to do anything but lift her gaze just as his fingers came gently beneath her chin.

Lucas was looking at her like she held all the power to break him. She didn't want that power.

He tried to smile, but it didn't quite touch his eyes. "See? That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Luke," she said, firmly enough that he didn't lean in to kiss her again. "We can't do this."

"I know," he said quickly, and let both of his hands fall. Evie didn't want him to stop touching her. "I know that, and I've been trying to figure out how to apologize."

Evie didn't expect him to give so quickly, and felt all her defenses—everything she'd been preparing herself to say for the past three days—start to topple.

"I told you that I could respect the fact that you're not interested in anything more than friendship, and I meant it. I still do." His brown eyes held all the sincerity she could hear in his words. "The other night..." he shook his head, "that was a moment of weakness. And I'm really sorry for it."

Evie didn't know what to say. She hadn't prepared for the fact that he might not try to convince her that they could be together despite everything. She hadn't prepared for his apology. She hadn't prepared for the fact that he might not be as affected by the kiss they'd shared as she was.

Because since they'd kissed, she hadn't stopped thinking about it. When she lost focus in a daydream, it was always his lips she felt against hers. Always the press of his fingers to her waist, the pull of her body to his. And when she closed her eyes, it was understanding that keeping her distance was the only way to ensure that it didn't happen again.

Evie couldn't even let herself consider the thought that he might not want to kiss her again.

"Don't do that," he said when she didn't respond. "Don't look away again. Please."