i can't explain it (i love the pain) - camren

Four

Lauren had kissed her. That's pretty much all that ran through Camila's head at any given time. Worse was the fact that she'd kissed her back, and although she'd felt guilty about it initially, she couldn't say she wouldn't do it again. Not when her body vibrated at the mere thought. But that wouldn't be fair to Lucy. It also wouldn't be healthy for herself or Lauren. So she put all of her focus into her music. She wrote more than she typically would and visited the studio as much as she was allowed. A week had passed like this. Late nights at the studio, early mornings at a coffee shop or in her bedroom writing all of her feelings down on paper. Some making more sense than others, but that didn't matter. It helped to distract her and keep her from texting Lauren.

Sam had just left for several days to work on a show, leaving her alone and to wallow in bed for the remainder of the week. And wallow she did. She just couldn't believe she and Lauren had fallen back into their old habits. It'd just been so easy to do so. It'd always been easy to fall for Lauren's charm. Almost as if to prove that point, her phone vibrated late on a Friday night.

I'm at your front door. – Lauren

Camila read the message with a slight frown, but stood to see if Lauren was in fact there. She may or may not have stopped by a mirror to make sure she looked somewhat decent. Peeking into the front door peephole she saw Lauren leaning against the wall, arms crossed and eyes cast down. She collected herself with a breath and opened the door. Their eyes met and Camila motioned for Lauren to come in before closing the door behind her.

This was the first time Lauren had been in her temporary apartment. The older Cuban scanned the area for a moment. Camila watched her and moved over to the kitchen. It gave her time to think of all the things she could say to her.

After Lauren was done taking in her surroundings she followed suit and leaned her back against the island that stood in the middle of the kitchen. Camila mirrored Lauren's stance on the counter opposite her. They sized one another up until Lauren broke the silence.

"I came here to apologize," she said, her eyes sincere. Camila regarded her for a moment, seeing her nervously tap at the island.

"You could've texted or called," Camila said with a shrug. It wasn't that she was mad at Lauren –although she was a little bit considering they probably wouldn't be in this mess if she hadn't have chosen Lucy all that time ago. She just wasn't ready to deal with being in the same room with Lauren. She didn't trust herself not to act irresponsibly.

"I know but-" Lauren licked her lips and stopped herself from reaching for Camila's hands. "I needed to see you."

"Lauren," Camila said softly. She had to look away. Sam had told her to be careful, and she really thought she had been. Somewhere along the way, however, Lauren had managed to break down her walls and creep right back into her heart. If Camila was honest with herself, she wasn't sure Lauren hadn't always been there anyway.

"Do you have any idea what it's like?" Lauren asked with a pained expression. "W-what it's like to want someone so bad it physically hurts?"

Camila gulped and waited with baited breath. Lauren took several steps until she was nearly pressed up against her. Camila gripped the counter behind her tightly when she felt Lauren's nose softly nudge her own.

"I-I thought you wanted to apologize," Camila said softly. Lauren let out a frustrated laugh and ran a hand through her hair. She looked up and when her eyes met Camila's again they were darker – hungrier.

"See that's the thing, Camz," Lauren whispered. Camila tensed only slightly when she felt Lauren place both her hands on her hips. Her eyes closed as Lauren pressed their foreheads together. "I'm not sorry I kissed you. It's all I've been able to think about. Kissing you again is all I can think about."