Chapter Thirty Two

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How did I ever let this happen? I promised both of them that I would never let them die, that was the deal and yet somehow, I am here, in this rotting cell alive, and they are rotting dead somewhere. Neither of them deserved to die, all they did was help me on my journey. F anything, I do. I was the the one who let them stay with me, putting their lives in danger when I knew it was going to be dangerous. I should have told Jasper when I first met him that I never needed his help. Maybe then he would still be alive.

And then again maybe not. The rebel attacks may have got to them at some point, or even maybe the palace guards. Someone might have found out about their relationship at some point and then they might have died. It is not just those two that have died since I left the palace, I have left a trail of dead people behind me.

There was Anita, although she sold us out she still did not deserve to die. Then more recently, all the deaths from the attacks by the rebels, all because they were looking for me. I am starting to think that I have caused more trouble than what it has all been worth.

I feel something wet running down my face, one tear, followed by another and then another. Before I know it, I am blubbing like a baby, my eyes are becoming swollen and my nose will not stop sniffling. I must look like a mess right now.

I'm so unsure on what I should do now. I have always had Jasper and Max to lean on when I have been in trouble or unsure about something but now I am alone. Alone, trapped in a cell, probably miles away from anyone who actually cares about me with the possibility of dying myself in this very cell. None of this is going to plan.

All I wanted to do was help people but now I fear I have just put even more people in danger. What kind of princess am I? Am I not suppose to look after my country rather than put it in more danger? If I ever do leave this cell, then I will find out that everyone hates me. This is all just one big disaster.

No, I cannot have my country hating on me and I cannot wallow in self pity. I came on this journey to help people and I am not going to fall on the final hurdle. I just need to find a way out of here. I know that Max and Jasper would not want me to sit around washing my life in this cell, waiting for someone to rescue me, or my eventual death. There are people like Katrina and her daughter who probably need help from the palace along with all the homeless people. Also, as long as I am in here, my mother will never do anything about the unspeakable disease so I need to break out for everyone suffering with that.

My country needs me and apparently, I need them as well.

There has to be some way out of here, I think to myself while looking around my room. There's no way to leave through the ceiling and for all I know, that would lead to somebody else's cell. The walls are all solid as well and so is the floor. The only way out would be through the door, which is always guarded and the gap between the bars in the cell are far too small for me to squeeze through. Also there would be the problem with the guard once again.

The guard... maybe I can work with them? They change shifts every twelve hours, maybe... just maybe, I can figure something out during the shift change. Or with one of the other guards. I would never have a chance with Smythe guarding the door of getting out but some of the others seem weaker minded.

I have seen some of the other guards wondering around outside of the cell which makes me think there are more cells around here than just my own. There was one guard who looked rather slack and tripped over his own shoelace, he could be quite useful in all of this. I will keep watching them over the next couple of days to see who I can use.

Even if I do get one of the slacker guards, how do I try and get them to let me out? Do I ask for the toilet? That seems plausible as I do not have one provided in the cell. I will have sometime to figure it out.

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