I play it over and over in my mind. Clary kissing Simon. Simon kissing Clary. And then-
Clary kissing me. And Simon's face when we pulled away. It all makes sense. He's in love with Clary. I don't know how I didn't see it before. Their kiss was deep, passionate, and Simon wanted it, he wanted her. But the faerie queen, she wanted her fun- and put me through the torment of kissing Clary. I like Clary, I really do, but she's my sister. And, you know. She's a girl.
Simon's straight. Obviously. I can't believe that even for a second I let myself think there was actually something there, something in the way he held me tight to his chest other than friendship, or gratitude. No- Simon's in love with Clary, and he thinks I am as well, and he hates me for it. I can't stop thinking about the hurt on his face as he turned and walked away. I've been worrying about him all evening. Clary doesn't seem to care much. I don't think she returns his feelings. God, this is just such a mess, a stupid pointless love triangle that doesn't end happily for anyone. It's all wrong. And love is love- when you've fallen, there's really nothing you can do.
_________
The doorbell rings, and my breath hitches. It must be Simon. I try to shake the immense happiness that expands in my chest at the thought of seeing him. He doesn't love you, I think, again and again. He doesn't love you.
But it's no good. I can almost hear my heart pounding in my ears as we walk down to the entrance hall, and there's still a tiny part of me hoping he's realised he's completely and entirely in love with me. I discard the thought as I yank open the huge oak door. Ah. Raphael. Holding- no. God, no. But it is. It's Simon. My chest heaves as I see the blood, stark red, and his limp arms and little fragile body. I start to shake with anger. Raphael explains it all in urgent, panicked tones. Simon went there, to the hotel. He went to the vampires because I turned him away when he needed help, because he thought he was becoming a monster and I did nothing to help him. He's here, and he's dying, and it's my fault.
My blood is spiked with guilt and adrenaline, enough to keep my devastation at bay. Right now, I can only focus on what I have to do. In whatever way we can, we have to save Simon.
I always thought vampires were attractive. Like, every single one. They are all gorgeous. I guess I didn't notice in the panic of last night, but it did the same to Simon. His face is suddenly carved from smooth white stone, his lips dark and full. His movements are now elegant, and I find myself slightly missing his awkward clumsiness. All the same, he slightly takes my breath away when I walk in that empty room and see him standing there, silently powerful. It's Luke's house, and it's quiet despite everyone who's here, Magnus and Alec and Luke and Maia and Clary. Downstairs, Magnus is dealing with Luke's injuries. But right now, right here with Simon, I don't care. "You look..." I start, but can't bring myself to finish.
"Hideous?" He jokes, but I can hear a little truth, a little sadness in it. I suppose that when he looks in the mirror he doesn't see himself anymore. I shake my head.
"No. Not that," I mumble, once again just looking at him and taking in his grace and... vampirism. He blushes, or at least I think he does but it's hard to tell. "Jace, I know you and Clary..." he breaks off. God, he's not going to talk to me about his feelings for Clary, is he? The thought makes me feel slightly sick. "Clary's my sister. That's all there is to it," I say firmly. "She's all yours." I can't resist adding the last comment, because I'm a little bitter. Simon looks surprised and confused. "All mine? I don't... I don't want her! Not like that." It's my turn to be confused. "No, don't do that, Simon." I'm starting to get worked up. I'm sick of all these lies. "I saw you and her at the faerie court-"
"You saw her kiss me! And then I saw her kiss you!" His voice raises, and he takes an agitated step towards me.
"You love Clary!" I almost shout, forgetting for a moment that there are people downstairs. "I love you!" Simon roars, then clutches his mouth like it slipped out. My stomach squeezes tight. I can't believe it. It's perfect. I don't think I can speak, so I just step forward and pull his face towards mine, very slowly, and show him how much I love him with my lips on his. It's the most intense kiss I've ever experienced, and his strong hands clasp behind my neck and hold us in place, but I don't feel like letting go any time soon. I can't stop smelling his scent and stroking my fingers along his shoulder blades and tasting him, our mouths saying words we don't have time to say against each other's lips. As a vampire, he doesn't have to breath, but I'm soon panting and I draw away a fraction to suck in some oxygen. I press a hand against his stomach to stop him kissing me for a moment because I need to recover, but his fangs slide out and cut my lip. I feel blood drip down my chin, and the sharp sting of the cut. "They haven't quite learnt the difference," Simon growls low in his throat, "between feeding desire and... the other kind." I almost laugh but it's too intense and I just end up shivering as he licks the blood from my chin. I shut my eyes as he kisses my jawbone. "You taste... unreal," he mutters, and I honestly think I'm about to explode and then he kisses me again and my heart bursts into a thousand pieces and each piece is screaming his name. I pull his body as close to mine as I can and he gasps, his lips opening against mine in surprise.
That's when Alec walks in. We spring apart, but I'm panting and flushed and Simon is shaking a little and we couldn't be more obvious. Alec's eyes widen in shock. "Alec," I stutter. "I- we-" He just shakes his head, still looking dazed and startled. "Jace," he instructs, his voice businesslike despite everything that's just happened. "Your sister wants you. And you really ought to get rid of that blood from your chin," he adds, his eyes flicking towards Simon. I blush an even deeper red and wipe the remaining blood away, trying not to notice Simon lick his lips. I turn and leave the room, catching Simon's eye as I go, even though every fibre of my body is itching to stay.
