The Lucky Ones (Camren)

-3-

CAMILA

11:47 PM

I miss two turns on the way home. I make it back in a daze and everything about me feels numb and heavy at the same time. I try to push away the memory of Lauren kissing me, of me wanting to fall into her, of me kissing back. It's hard when I can still feel her lips on mine if I close my eyes long enough. A couple minutes pass before I realize I'm already parked in my driveway and it takes a lot for me to finally get out of the car.

I don't notice the light is on from outside and it doesn't register that my dad has been waiting for me at the kitchen table until his voice breaks through the harsh silence of the house.

"Mija, you're already back?"

I shrug. "I said I would leave a little bit after you and I did. And now I'm home and wanting to sleep."

I hope that my clipped tone makes it clear to my dad that I don't want to continue this conversation. He's always insisted on ignoring things like that.

"So you and Lauren didn't..." there's an almost wishful lilt to his voice and it grates my nerves. It shouldn't, and I know that. But it does anyways.

"Didn't what? Didn't ride off into the night after buying into the idea of being together forever? No, can't say that we did." My tone is sarcastic and straight up bitchy but I can't bring myself to take it back. He just sighs, leaning back in his chair. A few moments pass before he responds.

"I didn't want to push it before because we both knew the chances of you finding Lauren were so small, it was a non-issue. But now, things are different-"

"Nothing's different. Things aren't changing. Her and I won't be together."

"Honestly, mija you're being silly," he admonishes.

"You think it's silly that I don't want to be a shell of a person-"

"That's not going to happen-"

"It's what happened to you!"

My outburst is loud and unforgiving and everything I don't mean to be. There's silence and there's parts of me that want to reach out and take back each word I've said because today has been too much and so have I. My dad takes my words as a slap to the face and the way he looks pained almost makes me wish I didn't mean what I said. But I do- and I know that it comes from an angry place in my heart where I'm fifteen again and resent my dad for making me feel like I wasn't enough reason to try really living again.

I clench my jaw and my eyes are set because I've done too much already to back down. We're left staring at each other while my dad seems to consider his next words carefully.

"Losing Sinu took a very large on toll on me," he starts slowly. I bite my tongue and resist the urge to roll my eyes because it took a pretty huge fucking toll on me too. "She was one of the most important people in my life."

"She wasn't the only person in your life, papi!" I had thought I was all cried out until there's a familiar sting in my eyes as they brim with tears and I know I don't need to but I raise my voice anyways because I can't stop myself.

"I was here! I was here asking all the babysitters when you would get home while you buried yourself in your work so you didn't have to come back to an empty bed. I was here needing someone to tell me how to handle my first day of highschool, and how to study for exams, and what to do when your friends don't understand what the fuck it's like to lose your mom. I was here when Sofi learned to walk and talk and when she learned to read. And then when she started school and when she got invited to her first slumber party and the first time she realized other kids are mean. I was here for all of it!"