So Quick Witted [Jamilton]

Saucy

OKAY MASSIVE APOLOGIES FOR NOT UPDATING IN MONTHS (why does this keep happening??)

Jefferson's PoV:

Fuck everything. I admit it. I miss Alex way more than I'd let on to anyone I know. I wish I wasn't such a twat and had just accepted his apology. Actually, leave it at "I wish I wasn't such a twat".

Right now, Burr has a girl called Theodosia in his dorm, and as (I assume) they're gonna fuck, I'm not allowed in.

So that's how I ended up on the roof. There's a massive tree round the back of the college block that is easily climbable and you can just hop straight onto the roof, so here I am. No one knows about it that I'm aware of, and I hope to keep it that way. The only people who'd be able to see me are in skyscrapers way off campus, so hopefully they don't like, call the police or anything.

Then of course, the Little Shit™ himself shows up. I thought this was private??

First, it's the muttering I hear. Little scowls of annoyance and the scraping of trainers on tree branches. He's shorter than me, so no surprise has trouble climbing up.

Then his head comes into view. He isn't looking at me, thank god; he's concentrating too hard on not falling. But of course I have to turn away cause I don't want him to catch me looking at him.

Then, his voice. Soft, but pained. Gentle, but longing. "Thomas..."

Should I turn? Should I give him that satisfaction? Can I really hold back any longer?

"Thommy, I brought you choc-ices..."

Involuntarily, my head whips around. "You brought me food?" I whisper.

"Yeah..." His expression is so conflicted it makes me feel like I've just been punched in the gut. He really cares. I can see it all now.

And suddenly my legs are pacing towards him, my hands are taking the confectionary from his and placing it on the roof next to us, my arms are reaching around him and pulling him closer, closer, closer-

He plunges into the embrace with his head on my chest and my cheek caressing his head. I've lost all control, I'm watching my life through my eyes like a movie. I'm telling him everything.

"Alex, listen, that night when you stayed with me- "

"It's okay- "

"No, seriously, you need to know- "

"Only if you're comfortable."

And we sit down leaning against a ventilator with our arms tangled around each other in a spaghetti-like mess.

I clear my throat but it doesn't work. Guess I'll have to just go for it, so I try to formulate a sentence; "So, uh, I had a nightmare - another nightmare - about how much of a fucking failure I-"

"Thomas you're not a failure Jesus - " he cuts in but I'm not having that.

"Just listen to me. My dad already thinks I'm enough of a letdown, never mind how hard I work, to him I'm still just the child who might be gay. I can't quite convince him I'm not cause I can tell he doesn't believe me."
I realise my sentences don't make much sense, but plough on anyway, "And I'm terrified that I will let everyone down, because I just push you all away and my friends are gonna desert me cause I'm not good enough, and I'll loose everyone, I'll loose you, and I can't, I can't let that happen." I'm out of breath after such a rant, and for a second I just take in the scent of coffee that comes off him.

Alex doesn't say anything, just holds me a little tighter, nuzzles his head a little closer, and grazes my cheek with the shadow of a kiss. My insides do a backflip.

"I don't believe it will." He murmurs. I wait for him to continue. "I've known you a long time, Thomas, and I've always guessed you had a secret or a story to tell. You can't get rid of me that easily. I'm intoxicated in you - and man you smell good."

I half laugh at his bad pickup lines and I can tell he's smiling.

"Hey, Thommy, look at me." I force myself to gaze into his soft brown eyes. Actually, it's not that difficult. "You've never let me down, and I don't believe you ever will. I- I can't get the words out -" he appears to choke on his own words, so I do the logical thing that anyone would do in this situation.

I kiss him.

I smash my lips into his yet he barely hesitates to kiss back, allowing his hands to move freely around my body. I wind my fingers into his soft hair and lean over him - this is too good, far too good to be good for me. I can taste the coffee now, smell the sweat and hope and feel the walls come crashing down. That's exactly how it feels: all of our walls are coming crashing down.

Breathless, Alex mutters, "What I was trying to say, is I love you."

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*sCREcHeS *

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Love you all so much ~ R x