So Quick Witted [Jamilton]

Jefferson Monologue

Jefferson's PoV:

I storm out of the dorm, leaving Alex to think about what he's done. How much has he told Peggy and Lafayette and the rest of his weird friends? I can't believe Peggy said the things she did - is she trying to make Alex thing I like him? I mean, I do like him, I like him was more than I should. And another thing; I trusted Laf.

Weirdly, I go to school. Kicking walls as I go, I find my way to the room I know is full of musical instruments. A small part of me wishes that alex had followed me, but I know he won't.

I sit down at the grand piano and begin to play. I'm not really thinking about it, I'm just making it up. The melody is sorrowful and angry and hurt and painful.

My fingers fly across the keys but I can't help thinking about Alex....he looked so cute when I put paint on his nose. Actually, he always looks cute, but I like it when he's smiling. He doesn't smile often enough.

Now I'm wishing he was here again. I want him to slip through the door and run to me, to cradle me and kiss me. But that's never gonna happen. Why do I even bother thinking about these things?

Angrily, I slam my palms onto the keys. The noise sounds a lot like how I feel.

I can't believe I've come to this. I'm desperate for him. I'm desperate for his arms around me, his voice soothing me, his lips on mine. Oh fuck, his lips. I can't pretend I haven't spent time looking at his lips. They're chapped, but they look soft and they'd look even better wrapped around my-

No Thomas. That's just creepy. Stop having creepy thoughts.

Then I remember that night in the kitchen. I just might regret that night for the rest of my days. Why did I have to mess up? Everything was going so well until the anxiety kicked in...

I loved every second with him, despite the fact most of it was play fighting. Then we both awkwardly reached for the oven and - of course that started my doubts. What if he was only being nice because he needed food?

What if he actually hates me and he's leading me on? What if all his friends are just laughing at me when I'm not watching? What if he's taking advantage of the fact I've fallen for him? What if -

A noise in the corridor interrupts my thoughts. It's voices, and they're raised. Hang on, is one of them French?! What the heck would Lafayette be doing here?

I pad to the door and look out of the window carefully. It's dark in here and light in the corridor, so whoever it is shouldn't see me.

"Laf, what the heck I gotta do?" A deep voice was saying exasperatedly.

"Hercules-"

"Why do you keep denying to all our friends - who we can trust with our lives - that we're a thing? Actually, are we? Tell me that, Laf. What are we?!"

Lafayette didn't answer. The next thing I knew they'd come in to my view; that is, Lafayette had slammed Hercules into a wall and was passionately kissing him. The Frenchman held Hercules' wrists up near his head and I could see him pushing his leg in between the other man's.

I'd seen enough. Turning away from the door, I trudged back to the piano, then paused. I went to the window and looked out at the lampposts shining like fireflies. My vision blurred, and I realised I was crying.

Maybe it's because I just witnessed two people getting what I wanted - a relationship. Maybe I don't really know.

Why is everything so shit? I hate it all. And I hate Alex.

.•*•.

Dun dun dunnn

Sorry for the short chapter :/ I have exams so I don't have much time to write

I love you all thank you so much for reading and voting and commenting!

~ Ruth