Selfish Machines (A Pierce the Veil Fan Fiction!)

Chapter 7

〈before the story author's note〉Chapter dedicated to @We_Are_United, check them out!

My sincere apologies to the readers of this story. It has been a hell of a long time and yes it is absolutely all my fault because I've just been slacking off lately and writing has just gotten harder for me to do. Once again, I'm sorry and although this chapter is extremely late as well hella short (but hey it's better than nothing, right?), I hope you can all forgive me :)
To the people still continuing to read, I salute you. Props to you all for bringing me such joy.

~Allison

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And then it was night time again. Like the cold hard eyes of the dark, they peer in on me from every corner of my room, from every crevice that I could not see any further in to. Is that what life is? I can't see any further into what I'll become. I suppose that my father was always right; "Vic, you can only work with what you've been given," he often repeated to me when I was much younger. I guess he stopped talking when he thought I stopped listening. But I always took his advice in to consideration and he believed he was just unappreciated.

Maybe if I could sleep at night, then I wouldn't have to wonder the insanely unanswerable questions that rack my mind when the capacity of silence is put on an overload. Maybe if this never ending streak of insomnia came to an end, I wouldn't resort to seeing things like the girl I encountered no less than two blocks away at a corner where darkness is illuminated by the always-flickering street lamp. 

For as long as I could possibly remember, it has always been that way. It was never fully on all the way; like how a part of the moon is always shadowed by darkness. Clambering out of bed, I'm out of the house and down the street within fifty seconds of complete stillness except the one squirming body of an insomniac in San Diego.

My untied laces drag behind my racing feet, clicking like the sounds of pebbles against cement. It's strange to see the world asleep; or a fraction of it at least. It makes you wonder how many lay in bed wide awake because they're hopelessly drowning in a sea of sadness. Or maybe drowning in the pouring love of the embrace between someone else's arms.

And suddenly I feel lonelier than ever. Like a slap in the face by reality of just how unhappy I was. How much am I missing out on . . . ? A move on with my life wouldn't be so bad. I want to pack my suitcase and say goodbye to the bad nights. Our worst nights that each of us try to break free from like as I was doing now; racing to the corner street to be greeted by the street lamp that still somehow manages to shine brighter than me every day. 

"Are you honestly comparing yourself to a street lamp?"

I twirl around, a racing heart to face the familiar brown eyed girl that I've been friends with for longer than normal. "Jesse . . . what are you doing here? How did you know I was thinking that? Why aren't you at your apartment?"

"Which one do you want me to answer for you first?"

"Uh . . . " I pause for a moment, "How did you know I was thinking that?"

"Because what you were 'thinking' of," she air quotes, "you were actually talking aloud to yourself about how this streetlamp shines brighter than you every day . . . Something along the lines of that. And I also heard you mumble something about being unhappy? What's bothering you, kid?"

A lot, actually. "Nothing much . . . I mean," I let out a sad sigh as I take a seat on the curb. "I really like Veronica, I think that she's perfect in every way despite your guy's little feud or whatever it is why you don't like her. But when I'm with her, a part of me feels a little bit desperate for something more. Like she almost is complete, but there's like a piece that I'm missing."

"You wanna know what I think?" Jesse asks as she sits on the sidewalk a foot away from me. I nod my head slowly as she opens her mouth to talk. She would have told me about what her opinion was whether I really wanted to hear it or not. "I think . . . that she's not the one. I mean, you're just another unhappy body; another sad soul of helplessness that the big Man Himself sent me here to fix," she says as she points to the starry sky. "I just felt the need to come here at this very moment. No reason either. But back to the point, I believe that she isn't for you. You can't just be fooling around out here either. You need to go and get the right girl, not pretend that the wrong girl is the right one."

I feel her hand at the top of my neck curve down to just above the tail bone before her hands meets the cement. "But how will I know when I find her?" I ask, my breath turning into a visible smoke before I finally realize just how freezing it truly was.

"I once heard a quote that said if you ever fall in love twice at once, high tail it after the second one,"

"Why?" I ask, with the puzzlement obvious upon my numbing face.

"Why would you have fallen in love with the second if you were truly in love with the first?" The way she worded her sentence so carefully without even having to give a second thought amazed me.

And so there we sat; on the corner where two streets meet underneath a half-shining lamp. Yes, it was probably below freezing and I had asbolutely no idea how late it was or just how early. But for once, laughter was enough to forget the cold.