without you | gallavich

Ch. 1

Mickey's chest felt like it was on fire.

His hands extend out before him, banging around in hopes of feeling the warmth of his boyfriend next to him but nothing comes. His vision is still empty and his ears are filling with ringing but he knows something is wrong. He isn't sitting in the car with Ian, hearing the boy's laughter fill the worn down car as he closes his eyes. He feels his back laying flat on a softer surface with things curled up around his body. White began to seep into the edges around his vision, sending him into a full state of panic. The car was dark grey and black. Not white.

"Mickey, you're okay!" Mandy's voice cut through the ringing and finally Mickey could see. White walls reached up to a white ceiling with chairs scattered around here and there. Poorly drawn images were plastered on the wall in front of him and all he could make out was 'Daddy♡'. He slowly turned his head, despite his body's screams of regret, to face Mandy. Her black hair was pulled up into a tight ponytail and her makeup was smeared across her face violently. Her beautiful blue eyes were puffy and red but she kept a soft smile on her face. Mickey immediately identified it as the 'don't look at me, we need to talk about you' smile. It was the same smile he'd see after Terry beat her and one of her brothers stormed in, frustrated over silly things. It was the same smile that terrified him.

"There was a car accident," Mandy began, her voice wavering slightly as she placed her hand on top of her brother's. She avoided eye contact as she ran her fingers over the bandages wrapped around his palm, drawing in a sharp breath. "Ian, uh, jumped out of his seat to protect you." Tears began to slip down her cheeks once again and she chuckled lightly, looking up to meet Mickey's widened eyes. "He really does love you, Mick."

Mickey opened his mouth to ask where Ian was but nothing came out. His throat was violently aching and the black haired boy couldn't help but to wince at the feeling. He clenched his eyes shut before trying once again, but the pain stopped him. He couldn't talk. His eyes filled with fear and Mandy shook her head, standing up to pat her brother's hand lightly.

"I'm going to get a doctor. Tell 'em you're awake. The others," Mandy stated, as she stood up to move out of the room. "Are out of town. Apparently they've got some business to clear up. Yev and Lana came by, but Yev was too scared to stick around." Mickey relaxed against the bed, his fingers tightening into fists of pure frustration because he couldn't talk. He couldn't move without being in pain and he didn't know how bad Ian was. He could barely piece together what was happening because the last thing he could remember was Ian tightening his grip on the steering wheel as he began to laugh. He could remember the way Ian's eyes crinkled and how his smile would widen until Mickey's heart fucking ached. He could remember the view of the roads blurring by as Ian rambled on about buying some ice cream and he could remember as Ian took his time driving to the store. "There's no rush to get there, Mick."

"Mister Milkovich, you're finally awake," a woman's voice cut through Mickey's heavy thoughts and the young man looked towards the doorframe. There was a woman holding a clipboard with a white lab coat on, pressing a pen against her clipboard standing there. He closed his eyes slowly before opening them, greeted by the sight of the doctor peering over him. She placed her clipboard down on the table and put her fingers on his throat, examining the bandages wrapped out it clearly.

"We had to perform emergency surgery on you to save your vocal cords and your knee. If it wasn't for your friend, the chances of you surviving were very minimal." The doctor pursed her lips before picking up her clipboard once again. "Your vitals are steady for how but I recommend not attempting to speak for the next little while. We don't know if you'll be able to speak again but we'd like for the chances to stay as large as possible. I've given your sister a small notepad and pen to give to you and I'll be back to check on you in a minute." The doctor gave a curt nod before leaving the room, her heels clicking against the cool tile floor. He clenched his eyes shut, his head beginning to ache from the overwhelming information. He just wanted to know how his boyfriend was doing.

"Here's the notepad," Mandy murmured softly as she walked in, tossing the notepad and pen onto the table next to Mickey. The older boy winced at the clattering of the two objects but he lifted his hand and made the 'come here' motion with his index finger. Mandy slowly stepped towards him as he opened the notepad and began scribbling down what he needed to say.

'Don't fucking avoid the question. How is Gallagher?'

Mandy bit down on her lower lip, chewing at the flakes of skin that began to peel off. Mickey stared up at her with a raised eyebrow and she broke, her eyes dropping to the floor as she wrapped her arms around herself. Not only was Ian her brother's boyfriend, he was also her best friend. She had to tell Mickey what was wrong. She had to. "Ian is... Ian is in critical condition. They don't know if he'll make it through the night." Her fingers began fiddling with the hem of her shirt, moving down as one arm remained wrapped around her. Mickey felt a heavy weight on his chest beginning to threaten to crush him. Ian Gallagher might die. The bright-eyed love of his life (not that Mickey would admit that to himself) could die at any moment and it would be his fault. All because he just wanted a ice cream cone.

"All I know is he's bad. Lip went to go see him but they didn't let him in so he's throwing a fit. He's in bad shape."

'Does Dad know what happened?'

Mandy shook her head, biting down on her fingernail. "No. I told Iggy to keep it hushed about it because of Ian's involvement and he agreed. Said that things would get worse if he knew."

'What about the bill? Jesus, Mands, you know we can't afford this.'

"Okay, shithead," Mandy taunted lightly, lightly shoving her brother's arm. "Let me and the others worry about that. You nearly fucking died." Mickey rolled his eyes, dropping his head back onto the pillow as his thoughts began to twist about inside of his mind. His boyfriend wasn't okay and for once, there was absolutely nothing he could do to help. He kept his eyes closed, listening to the sound of Mandy's breathing in hopes of settling the knot in his stomach but nothing seemed to work just yet.

Of course it didn't work, the one thing that would help cure it was currently lying in a bed, half way between life and death.

_______________________

"Your brother was severely hurt in the accident," the female doctor stated, her voice gentle. She kept her hands folded across her lower stomach, her eyes scanning the faces of every Gallagher in the room. There was Fiona, holding a shaking hand to her mouth and her free arm was pulling Liam close to her chest. Lip stood there, his jaw clenched shut as he shoved his hands into his pockets as if he was restraining himself from punching the closest thing to him as hard as he could. Then there was Carl and Debbie: both with wide eyes, the girl with tears in her eyes and the boy with his mouth slightly hung. You could feel the tension and the shock radiate off of all of them.

"How bad?" Lip's voice came out sharply, his teeth digging into his lower lip to prevent himself from saying anything worse. The doctor shook her head, keeping her head low as she cleared her throat. Lip braced himself for the words he knew were coming but he didn't want to hear them. He didn't want to admit that he could lose his best friend.

It was like a blow. A stifled sob escaped Fiona's lips as she wrapped her arms completely around Liam while Debbie just whined out Ian's name loudly. Carl seemed lost; like the world as he knew it was gone. Lip bit down on his lower lip until he tasted nothing but the bitter metallic substance. He ran a hand over his face before storming away, ignoring the calls of Fiona.

"We don't know if he's going to make it."