Today was your night with Negan. As his wife you only got to be with him about once a week. Tonight he walked in your room quiet, completely silent. Usually he would stride in with a smirk on his face and enough energy to fuck you twelve times in an hour, but today was different. He took you softly, like something from a magical dream. It was fast and passionate, but not dominant and certainly not rough. He didn't treat you as one of his whores or even a fragile glass doll, but a strong beautiful woman. When he looked in your eyes you saw something you had never seen before. It wasn't lust. It wasn't love, but it was something in between. Maybe admiration or the kind of comfort you find in a friend. After you finished he just laid there beside you staring at the ceiling. As his breathing slowed he turned over and whispered in your ear,
"What do you miss most about the world before all the shit hit the fan?"
You were taken aback. The way Negan touched you tonight shocked you, but this question broke through a line in your relationship that defined the difference companionship and meaningless sex. You turned your head to him and thought about your life before. You had a family, friends and a career. You had something real and now you were just pretending to love an unfaithful man for the sake of clothing, food and a roof over your head. It was pathetic. You sighed and whispered,
"I miss my family, I miss my friends. I miss feeling like I take care of them. You're supposed to be there for the people you love, and I could, in that life. Now, now I can't take care of anyone, but myself. I watched them die. I watched them die because I couldn't protect them from this world. So everyday I am condemned to remember, to see them every time I close my eyes. To know, I failed." You did not know where any of that came from. You had no trust for him, but the way he looked so calm in your bed gave you the strength to confide in him.
Not for him, not for his request, but for yourself. He reached up and touched your face, his eyes meeting yours and you saw it. He was broken, his eyes were filled with tears and he looked at you with a loving longing you had never known from any man, let alone Negan. He gently traced his fingertips down your neck, following them with his eyes. He danced his fingers over your arm and back up again, gently placing them over your heart. A tear slipped down his cheek and you froze. You had never seen Negan show such emotions and you were quite frankly, afraid that if you moved he'd lash out at you. Negan was an extremely unpredictable man. He looked up into your eyes and muttered,
"You're just like her. You even smell like her. God, I miss her so fucking much." He played with your hair and leaned in to kiss you. His lips were soft and sweet, full of what you thought was strangely, love. It was short before he pulled away and you felt a part of you miss him. You pulled him back to you and kissed him passionately. He wrapped his arms around your waist and rubbed up and down your back softly, with his calloused hands. He mumbled against your lips,
"Just like Lucille." You pulled away, his words yanking you out of his intoxicating embrace. You felt a little betrayed, turning your head away from his, while biting your bottom lip.
"Who is Lucille, Negan? I think I deserve to know since you're moaning her name while kissing me." He sat up, and looked down, placed his head in his hands.
"You know who Lucille is. You know, the bat I carry around everywhere." You winced and sat yourself up, too.
"Don't lie to me, Negan. I know you and tonight you have been acting super weird. Then you start saying how I 'look like her' and I 'act like her'. Well who is she? Another one of wives I just don't know about? You can go to her if you want. I'm not gonna stop you." As you spoke your words got louder and filled with annoyance. They shouldn't, but something made you upset about him leaving. After a few beats of silence he looked up, straight forward and spoke in a strong tone,
"Lucille isn't just a fucking bat. Yes, she's a fucking person, but she was my wife. She isn't anymore. Lucille is dead. She died from cancer before any of this started. So no, she is not my wife."
"I'm sorry. I-I didn't kn-." He cut you off,
"It's okay. She is dead, now. Sometimes I just think of her and want you. You look so much like her and you're just as fucking stubborn and sweet as she was. Sometimes, if I think hard enough I see her face in yours and hear her voice from your lips." Something in your chest ached. It hurt that he imagined you as the woman he really loved, like you were a second choice. Why did it hurt though? You were the sixth choice already, so why did it matter if there was one more woman above you? Maybe it was the way he almost cared for you that night.
He treated you with an almost loving affection that warmed you to your very core. But now it was tarnished by the candor of his actions. He wanted his wife. He wanted to love Lucille, not you. His voice jolted you from your thoughts. "But you are so much stronger. You look at me with those pretty little eyes of yours and you have me fucking wrapped around your finger," He clasped your hand in his and brushed your hair from your face. "There's something about you that makes me want to be a good man. You make me not want to curse and you fucking know how much I fucking love to say fuck," He chuckled. "And you are so fucking beautiful. No one could compare to you or turn me on more. And you are so kind and gentle and you put up with my shit every day. I don't even know why I put you through my shit though because I live to see you bare that jovial fucking smile and giggle at god knows what. You know what? I don't know why, but I love you. I fucking love you. I haven't loved anyone in a long time, but I want to make you happy and wake up to that gorgeous face. Everyday." When he finished you were nearly in tears. You were in shock from his words and so many things rushed through your head. We re you hearing him right? Was he lying? Why was he saying this? Did he say this to his other wives? You shook your head at him and tears streamed down your face,
"Negan, do you really care? Do you really love me? You have six other woman so how do I know you really love me?" He gave you a serious look,
"Of course I fucking do! Why would I just profess my love for you if I didn't? I am lord of the fucking Saviors and I have a reputation to uphold. Why would I ruin myself just to fucking play a prank on you?" Looking into his eyes you saw the desperation and passion inside of him. You knew in that moment that he meant it, he meant it all. He loved you.
"I love you, too." You smiled at him and he chuckled,
"Now, there is that fucking beautiful smile I love." That made you smile more and he kissed you. You pulled away,
"But what about your other wives?" You asked. He stroked your face with his hand,
"Baby, you know I can't divorce them. If I do that then I ruin my image and put a target on your back." You sighed and looked down so he grabbed your chin and lifted your eyes to his. "That doesn't mean I don't love you, I just can't only be with you." You felt your heart break. There it was again, the reminder that you weren't the only one. You felt tears well in your eyes, but you wished them away. You knew that he was right. A real relationship ruined his reputation and put you at great risks so you pushed those thoughts away. You nodded at him and he kissed you. Instantly you forgot about the other woman and licked his lips, asking for entrance. He pushed you down on the bed as a result.
"You are one naughty girl." He whispered in your ear. You shivered as his breath tickled your tender skin. You turned to him with the biggest grin you've had in a long time,
"You know, there's one thing I do really miss from pre-walker times." His right eyebrow raised and he smirked,
"And what is that?"
"Twinkies. Oh god, the filling was so good." You moaned and he pinned you down, completely spread out on the bed.
"But my cock makes up for it. My filling way fucking better." Your jaw fell wide open and he whole heartedly laughed at your reaction. "I fucking love you so much." You embraced him and buried your face in his neck.
"I love you, too." You just wished you didn't have to share him with six other girls. One who was a barbed wire baseball bat.
Hey guys!!!!
I know this is a Coral book but this imagine is so amazing and if you don't like Negan I'm so sorry!!!
But if you like should I do a book for Negan?
From Tumblr -Again from the amazing Fandomaddict77 she's AMAZING really like her a lot!!
-Wonderland
