Dirty~ ...|| Septiplier

{5}

Maybe it is me.

I wait and wait.

It is me.

Normally I don't have "one night stands" and I also don't put myself in situations where that would happen to me, in my personal life.

But in my work life, this is normal.

I think.

I wonder if Mark had the same connection as I had with him.

Did his breath hitch when he saw me?

Did his heart beat faster when he saw me?

Did he notice the green haired stripper?

What if that's all I am to him; a stripper. Well that's what I am. Thats my job. My job is too make people feel good.

But I only make people feel good for a limited time.

There's an expiration date on the love I give.

Maybe that's why.

I need to stop questioning and wondering and get out, no work on Sunday's.

I put on my big blue sweater and some black, ripped skinny jeans.

Put on my black, high top converse and leave the club.

I walk.

Just walk.

Each step leaves a small pitter pat behind it and I watch each foot move one in front of the other.

I might as well go to the park.

Because I'm a big man baby and I deserve the right to play at the play ground.

After walking for sometime I see the park and the swing set.

I sit down on the swing and watch.

Watch as the wood chips move slightly in the wind.

Watch the people drive in their cars.

I watch my breath blow out of my mouth and create a small cloud due to the cold weather.

I watch.

I left the club to do one thing and that was to clear my mind.

But it isn't working.

I watch as the clouds begin to roll over the sun.

I watch the clouds, not the clouds of my own breath. I watch the clouds in the sky darken and become filled with precipitation.

Then shortly the only pitter patter I hear is of the rain drops falling.

They fall and they fall.

Just I as I have.

Just as I did.

I fell and I fell hard, I fell for Mark and I'm not going to let him go. I can't and I won't.

But I wonder, here in the rain, is he wanting me to hold on?

Does he care if I let go?