No Turning Back

Epilogue

15 Years Later

"Good morning, Doctor Crawford," I heard my intern, Danielle, say as I walked into my office. She held out a steaming hot coffee to me. "I picked up your disgusting black coffee on my way here."

"Thank you," I said as I shot her a smile. Danielle was a slender, pretty faced red headed girl with the brains of a female Einstein. I'd been working with her for almost six months now and I'd come to enjoy her company. Those first two years of being a doctor without having some company of another person beside all the other nurses and doctors drove me insane. They were always so stressed out about their cases. I always told them not to let the children see their worried faces or else they'd get worried. But, of course they never listened to me. "So, are you up for a walk around? We're kind of early this morning. Our first appointment isn't until nine."

"Sure," she said as she stood up from her seat. I opened the door for her as we headed out into the busy halls of the children's hospital I worked in. Many of the children recognized me and greeted me with warm smiles as we walked down the halls. I looked after many of the children here since apparently, I was a parent and child favorite pediatrician here in the hospital. Many parents told me that they liked my optimistic way of going about with things while the children just liked me because I made their check-ups as fun as I could. Little did they know that I had picked up that technique from the doctor I had interned under during my residency a couple years ago. I was trying to teach Danielle the same thing and she was getting the hang of it since she was a peppy spirit anyway.

I remember when we'd first met, she used to ask me so many questions. Where did I go to college? Did I really go to Harvard for my medical degree? Why wasn't I married? Where was my girlfriend? What were you like in high school? What are you siblings like? Are you gay?

I had looked up from my paperwork when she'd asked that question. Her head was tilted slightly, her wide blue eyes curious. I nodded to that question in which she shrugged. "Figures," she had said. "Beautiful face, great job but no wife or girlfriend. It makes sense." I had shaken my head at her but she continued to talk. "So, do you have a boyfriend?"

"No," I replied back simply.

"Why not?"

"Because my last relationship ended pretty badly."

"What happened?"

"Turns out he had a wife and kids who he was trying to hide his sexuality from."

"Ouch."

"Mhmm so therefore I'm gonna be single for a while."

"Have you ever been in love...with a guy before?" I looked up at her again after she asked that question. My mind went to the chain around my neck that held the silver ring. I wanted to touch it but I didn't want to talk about him. I hadn't talked about him in years. Instead, I had moved on with my life just as he did with his. Or at least I hoped he still had a life. After that summer day, there was never any more contact. It was almost as if he'd disappeared from life - or never been in it in the first place. I tried not to think of him or talk about him or worry about him. I tried to be happy just as he'd wanted me to be. So, in the midst of trying to reach that happiness, he became a mere ghost of my imagination. I left our relationship where it ended - right there in the apartment complex parking lot.

"Yes," I answered honestly. "With one..."

"Where is he?"

"I wish I knew." Danielle must've noticed the sadness in my eyes so she dropped the topic and moved onto a different topic for another round of 20 questions. She never again asked about the man whom I had fallen in love with. Instead, she let herself be content with the answer I'd given her. Sometimes she would hint at trying to get more out of me indirectly but I wasn't stupid. I knew how to read people's questions and how to dodge them. While I knew that she meant no harm, I still wasn't comfortable talking about it.