Secrets of a Journal

Chapter 1

- Chapter 1 -

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

The intimidating sound of the clock shot through my head like knives.

How long had I been awake?

The pounding pain in my head held its own rhythm. I was sure I didn't drink anything last night, yet this felt like a hangover. I tried to open my heavy eyelids, but at first, nothing moved. Instead, I laid there and tried to figure out what was happening, and where I was. The suffocating smell of cheap disinfectant filled my nose.

Where am I?

Again, I attempted to try and get myself up. I managed to move my hands to rub my eyes. However, when I lifted my arm up, the rustle of sheets on the bed could be heard. These weren't the sheets I have at home. Maybe I stayed at a friend's house?

My eyes finally shot wide open, and the first thing that struck me was the overwhelming brightness of the light bouncing off the white walls. Glancing down at my arm, I noticed an IV running through it. Once I became aware of a bleeping noise coming from a machine that was next to me, I realised that I was definitely in a hospital.

What happened?

I shifted uncomfortably in the rigid bed, causing the spring's squeak underneath, and propped up the pillow so I could sit up comfortably. The sheets covering me dropped down slightly, revealing that I was wearing a medical smock. I lifted it up slightly and winced at the pain. Bruises and cuts were scattered over my body, my leg was broken and put in a plaster cast. I tried to figure out how I even ended up in this hospital.

Did I fall over?

But unfortunately, I couldn't remember anything. In fact, I couldn't even remember anything about myself. My brain just felt as though it was a single blank canvas.

I buried my head in my hands but then picked up a piece of my hair. It was much darker and longer than I last remembered. Thinking nothing of it, I turned my head to my right and saw doctors and nurses pacing back and forth with a stressed look on their faces through the small window in the door.

"Hello?" I called out, hoping that one of the nurses would hear me, except my voice came out in only a mere whisper. As though someone was reading my mind, a middle aged nurse came into my room and smiled at me.

"I'm glad you're finally awake," she said. "I'm Esme. You're Hayley, right?"

"I-I don't know..." I stuttered. Esme just stared at me and she looked bewildered. How did I not remember my own name?

"Do you need me to get you anything?" She asked me.

I thought about it for a moment and then asked her, "Please can I have a painkiller? I have a headache."

"Sure." She quickly walked out of the room, leaving me alone. I was a little scared. Not knowing if this was my first time in hospital or anything about myself was terrifying. In order to try and calm myself down, I grabbed my phone that was on the table next to me. I examined the phone that I now had in my hand. It was a shiny new iPhone. I was sure this wasn't my phone. Maybe this was Esme's phone.

Soon, Esme came back into my room and gave me a glass of water and the painkillers.

"Thank you," I said. "Esme, is this your phone?"

"No. Isn't it yours?"

"I don't know."

"Have a look at the wallpaper. Maybe you might remember," she suggested and then left the room.

I unlocked the phone and stared at the wallpaper. It was a picture of a girl and a boy. The girl looked exactly like me so I was sure that this was my phone. However, in the picture I looked a lot more older; about eighteen or nineteen years old. Maybe I used photoshop but didn't remember. I didn't recognise the boy. Probably because he did look older. I must have met him at a party that I didn't remember.

I accidentally shifted my broken leg and felt the pain shoot up through my knee. I gripped the side of my bed and tried not to scream. About ten minutes later, a young doctor came into the room.

"Hello Hayley, I'm Dr. Hayes," He introduced himself. "How are you feeling?"

"Awful," I said honestly. "Why am I here?"

My throat burned as I spoke, so I took another sip of water. Dr. Hayes hesitated for a moment before he spoke.

"You and your parents have been in a car crash."

Even though I had many injuries, I was still quite shocked.

"Where are my parents?" I questioned again.

The doctor hesitated for a moment before telling me. The seconds on the clock tick by slowly. Staring at the clock made my eyes burn, so I looked away until he spoke again.

"I'm very sorry to tell you this, Hayley but your parents passed away in the car crash."

"How is this possible?" I asked, taken aback.

"I'm very sorry. The impact of the crash was just too strong for them. When you were thrown out of the car, your parents remained trapped inside the car. The impact was too much for them." A light pain shot through my body.

"I barely have any memories of them." Tears began to well up in my eyes but I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Speaking of memory, we will have to run some tests on you, since parts of your brain don't seem to be functioning well." He gave me a sympathetic look.

"Okay, thank you." I replied politely. "Please can I have some time alone?" The doctor nodded his head and as he quietly left the room, the tears ran heavily out of my eyes.

When I had finally calmed down, the doctor returned.

"So Hayley, I've just been speaking to a neurologist and we've decided to give you a CT and MRI scan to see if any parts of your brain have been damaged." I just nodded in response. "Are you able to stand up?"

"I should be able to." I grabbed the side of the bed and slowly slid my legs off the bed. I managed to sit up and then stand up. I felt a bit light-headed but I was sure I would be fine when I started walking.

"Good. Now follow me." He led me to another large room where I was going to have the scans.

Both scans took nearly two hours altogether to complete, and once they were finished, I felt exhausted. While I was waiting for the results, I was told to go back to my room where I was allowed to rest until the neurologist came to see me.

"According to these scans, part of your hippocampus in your brain is damaged. Because of this, you may have amnesia." He was flicking through some pages on his clipboard. When he looked directly at me, he asked, "What is the last thing you remember?"

"Playing in the park with my best friend when we were sixteen years old."

"You're eighteen now." This was serious. Panic arose inside me. I had forgotten two whole years of my life. That probably explained why I looked older in my phone wallpaper and why my hair was longer and darker. I had probably dyed it.

"It's not 2012 anymore, is it?" I felt a lump in my throat as I spoke.

"No, it's 2014." His words struck my heart and I fought back tears. Within a day, I had lost my family and forgotten two years of my life. It couldn't have gotten any worse.