He Never Knew

¤Chapter one¤

I pressed my pencil against the paper and wrote out my name:

Melissa Farley

I had so much homework to complete, but all I wanted to do was send a text to my one and only.

My brain was scattered, and I couldn't think straight without talking to Jim.

*Bzz bzz*

As soon as my phone vibrated, I jumped up and snatched it off of my bedside table.

I wonder what he wants to talk about? But whatever it is, I don't have a good feeling about it. Anytime Jim has sent a "we need to talk" text, it hasn't been good.

I felt hot tears stream down my face as I began to silently cry over my unfinished ELA assignments. I didn't bother to reply to his text; I was too caught up in choking on my own self-loathing and shriveled ego.

I don't understand why he left me. Sure, he gave a reason as to why, but it made no sense. I gave him acceptable space, or enough space to where he wasn't feeling suffocated.

I always made sure he knew that I loved him and I always told him how happy I was.

I looked down at my legs and arms; the faded scars that were painted on my limbs began to crave my old blade.

When I first got together with Jim I stopped cold turkey with my bad habits.

He's gone.
He's gone.
He's gone.

The words replayed through my head, making me feel insane.

I got up and walked, shaking, to my bathroom down the hall.
Opening the cabinet above the marbled sink and pushing my basic hygiene supplies to the side, I found what I was looking for.

He never knew about my self-harm problems; I didn't want to scare him away.

But now, he's gone...forever...

**flash back**

"Good morning, my baby girl," Jim's voice spoke in a monotone.

I smirked and kissed him on the forehead. He was laying beside me with his beautifully fallen, messy brown hair; his baby blue and dark blue eyes twinkled under the beam of light that had shone through my bedroom window.

Jim swung his legs around the bed and planted his feet to the cold, hard wood floor.

When he sat up, I wiggled my way to his side and brought my hand to his back, tracing his spine and giving him obvious goose bumps.

"I love you so much, Jim," I said,
my voice raspy from waking up with a dry mouth.

"And I love you too, Melissa." His smile lit up the room even more.

"Forever and always?" I said with a hint of a babyish tone.

"Forever and always, my love." He turned around while putting his pants on.

My face turned red from seeing him get dressed -- something about it made me blush. Probably because of fantasies about what I want to do with him, without pants, or a shirt..

**flashback ends**

What did I do wrong..?

My weeps became sobs and I pressed the silver blade against my skin, moving my hand fast while putting pressure, and it was done; the scars began to bleed once more and every drop of blood felt like a release.

One became two, two to three, three to seven. After that, I lost count of how many new cuts I had placed into my legs.

That memory was from only a week ago. I can't believe he left...

I walked out of the bathroom and into my room, my legs pouring blood. Laying down on my bed and staring at the blank ceiling, it was if I was waiting for something to happen, depression waved over me like tsunami, leaving me emotionless.

I rest my head against my pillow and drift off into a slumber that I wish to not wake from.

"MELISSA! WHAT THE FUCK!"

I flicked open my eyes, only to look over and see my friend, Jane, standing and staring at my arms and legs.

"I-I'm sorry..." I looked at her with tired eyes.

"Why...Why did you do it again? You said you were done completely with these habits. You're lucky I'm your friend and not your mom, 'cause if it were your mom that found this, you'd be sent back to Mr. Harrison!"
Jane's eyes started to fill with tears. She walked from the doorway over to my bed and sat beside me.

"He's gone, Jane. He left me.." I said, my voice weak and raspy.

"That's no excuse, Melissa... You know better. You're stronger than this."

I don't know what I would do without Jane in my life... But the only way I could say thank you for the words of clarity was by hugging her and crying into the crook of her neck.

I slowly pulled away and looked into her eyes. Sitting up, I got out of bed.

From my wrist to the tops of my arms, and from my knees to the tops of my thighs, were covered with red slashes -- the aftermath of last night's misery and pain.

I had nothing but a T-shirt and underwear on, but I didn't care -- the only person in the room with me was my sympathetic friend, who didn't care to see me half-naked.

I was sobbing while walking to my closet -- all I did was replay Jim's name through my head.

I opened my closet door and then dropped to the floor, crying my eyes out. Some of his hoodies, shirts, shoes, even pants were in my closet.

"God fucking damn it!" I curled up into a ball and just layed there, thinking about ways to kill myself.

Jane quickly darted over to me and picked me up off the cold floor. She whispered into my ear, "It's gonna okay. I promise you, Melissa..."
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Word count: 986

Credit to kierstenjane2002 for editing this chapter.💖