Magicians Suck

chapter 3

In Chapter 2, Kitty and Miyuki went into the slums (not that they were willing to) and became a rag and bone man to earn money. They even traded their precious Chinese textbooks just for some bananas! Just when they were feasting on their bananas, something unexpected happened. People in light brown skin carrying daggers (Just to take note: They are the Ichanis) approached them. Will they try out their pranks or will they be in danger? Read on to find out!

"Test then for latent magic," the tallest of the gang of light brown skin people commanded.

"Yes. Kariko."

Miyuki and Kitty took a step back, feeling both intrigued and exasperated. Are the people in this world all so mad over magic?

"Latent..." Miyuki stammered. "You think what, latent heat of vapourisation? My latent heat of vapourisation is zero J/C, so watch me turn into a gas now!"

The light brown skin people looked at them like they were crazy. Uneducated bunch of magician who failed Physics, Miyuki thought.

It was at this moment when one of the light brown skin people made its way towards them and held his dagger up. Miyuki and Kitty were trembling so much that they dropped the banana they were eating.

The ugly man continued to edge closer to them, his expression grim. Miyuki and Kitty tried to escape but they couldn't move at all. They resorted to asking them some foolish questions to distract them, such as "Why is your skin light brown?" to no avail. Miyuki and Kitty thought they were doomed, but then...

The most amazing thing happened.

In fact, 10 amazing things happened.

1. One second before, the man was looming before them, ferocious and threatening. The next second, the man slipped on the banana peel, his pink panties exposed to the whole world. Kitty and Miyuki witnessed, stunned, as blood oozed out of his head.

2. Another man stepped forward in fury, flashing his own dagger at them. With shaking fingers at this moment of peril, Miyuki grabbed anything, anything that could be thrown at the man. She spotted a barrel of tomatoes at the corner and grabbed them. Tomatoes started flying around. It splattered into the man's eyes. The man staggered backwards, hitting his head hard on the ground. Miyuki was not sure whether the red liquid flowing out from the man's forehead is the tomato juice or his blood.

3. Running as fast as they could, Kitty and Miyuki made numerous turns around the streets. The remaining men gave chase, their long legs giving them an advantage. Kitty hid behind a barrel and one of the men walked by, searching for her. The man was panting heavily and he looked rather pale. An idea formed in her mind. She sneaked up to the poor elderly man and shouted "BOO!" and watched in triumph as the man collapsed to the ground, clutching his chest desperately.

4. Miyuki dug into her bag for something to protect herself with. She was thinking of using her Maths textbook to whack the particularly attractive man who was chasing her but her hands found a mirror. She flashed the mirror in front of the unsuspecting man...

"Oh my!" the man admired himself in the mirror and exclaimed out. "I didn't know I'm so handsome!"

Using his distraction as an advantage, Miyuki delivered a punch in his face. He crumpled to the ground, motionless.

5. Kitty hurriedly pressed 999 (our country's hotline for the police) on her phone to call the police for help but the call couldn't get through. The sun was scorching hot at that time and the little screen of the phone reflected the sun's light. She screamed as one of the men grabbed her from behind. It was at this moment when the man yelled in shock, the reflected light from the phone blinding his eyes. She seized the opportunity to deliver a smack onto the man's left cheek.

6. Kitty spun back to find yet another man giving chase. Swiftly, Kitty picked up a rock from the ground. She aimed the rock at the man but her aiming failed. The rock hit a lady who was hanging out some clothes from a bamboo pole on one of the house's window square on the head. The lady got such a nasty shock that she dropped the bamboo pole. The blanket hanging from the bamboo pole fluttered down and covered the man's head. The man let out a gasp of surprise and before he could pull the blanket down, Kitty suffocated him with the blanket.

7. "OH HAILS THE POWER OF ALGEBRA!" Miyuki opened a random page of her Maths textbook and showed it to one of the man who was approaching her. He scratched his head, utterly confused by the numerous formulas as he mumbled, "You know, I always received a zero for my tests." A punch travelled to his face before he knew it.

8. Miyuki ran so much that her women pad slipped off. She grimaced as the pad landed on the ground, the bloody part exposed. One of the men froze and screamed out a "BLOOD!" Then, he closed his eyes and never opened them again. "How weak, it's just blood!" she cried out but the man had already died.

9. Kitty caught one of the men sleeping and stealing a kettle from one of the houses, she poured the hot raka down his throat. He whined as the sizzling water burnt his throat before his lips turned blue.

10. No one seemed to be pursuing them after that. Exhausted, they slumped onto a wall, breathless. The bodies of the once-menacing men lay lifelessly on the ground. They were safe now. They had defended themselves. It was at this time when a figure walked by, donned in black robes. They looked up in and were stunned as they immediately recognised the person.

The High Lord yelled, 'You killed the ICHANIS?"

A side note: Now that the High Lord of the Magicians' Guild had realised the fact that Miyuki and Kitty had "killed" all of the Ichanis, how would he feel? What would he do to them? Chapter 4 is about Miyuki and Kitty's interesting encounter with the High Lord, and they would be finding themselves in the Guild then (I pity all the Guild members- they are going to suffer soon). Oh, enough hints for now! Dear readers stay tuned and prepare to laugh your heads off!