Heroism (h.s.)

13.

Gus and Elaine never get a chance to ask me why I’m late because Harry drags them to the back kitchen before I can even blink an eye.  I busy myself at the front counter to get ready for my shift but I can’t help but watch as Elaine bursts into tears, her husband patting her on the back solemnly.  Harry leans against one of the industrial-sized stoves, head down in sorrow.  It’s one of the most heart-breaking things I’ve ever seen.

   I try to take everyone’s orders with a smile but it eventually turns into a forced grimace that doesn’t ever reach my eyes.  Amanda’s face pops up on every customer and I have to blink profusely before everything can return to normal.  Gus immediately goes back to cooking while Elaine sits on a crate in the kitchen, Harry sitting opposite her.  He tries to console her while she cries but she seems pretty hysterical.

   I don’t know how to feel about the entire thing.  I want to scream at Harry for being so vague about it; then again, I know he’s only doing it to keep me distanced from the situation.  But why?  All I did was find Amanda’s body.  How does this connect me to her in any way at all?

   Lost in my daydream, I clumsily lose the grip on the food tray that I’m carrying.  Plates of food clatter to the ground and everyone in the vicinity glares at me angrily.  I bare my teeth in apology and stoop to pick it all up.  Grumbling, I stalk to the back kitchen and break the news to Gus that he has to recook everything he’s just prepared.

   “I’m so sorry.”

   “It happens to everyone, Alexa.”

   I give him a sad smile and walk out of the kitchen, feeling Harry’s eyes following me the entire way.  He catches up to me at the counter and I try not to look at him.

   “Alexa?” he places his hand gingerly on the small of my back.

   “Hmm?”

   “Let me take your shift for you.”

   I almost laugh.  Here Harry is, grieving over the loss of his friend and yet he still insists on relieving my burden when all I’ve done is drop a couple of plates.  I shake my head in disbelief.

   “I’m not the one who needs a hero right now, Harry,” I tilt my head back to gesture at Elaine. 

   He sighs in defeat, chewing on his lip worriedly, “I know, I know.  It’s just…sometimes, I get this feeling that if I turn away, even for a few seconds, I’ll lose you.”

   I don’t know where all of this is coming from.  I scrub at the counter even though it’s already clean.  “Well, I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

   He gives me a small, forced smile that nearly shatters my heart.  I decide that Harry’s comforted me enough times; it’s time for me to return the favour.

   “As long as you want me around, I’m here, Harry.”

   For once, he has nothing sweet or witty to say back to me but the expression on his face means more than any words he could ever say.  He begins to turn away but I touch his shoulder.

   “And, um, about this morning…” I try to push the blush away from my cheeks, remembering how close and intoxicating Harry had been, “I wouldn’t object if you had to do it again or something.”

   This earns the genuine, dimple-popping smile that I’ve been yearning to see.  He leans forward until we’re eye-to-eye.

   I watch his lips move as he speaks, “Noted.”

   In a flash, he presses his lips to my cheek and darts away, as if he’s afraid I’ll be angry or upset with him for doing so.  The area where his mouth met my skin burns with a pleasant sensation and I try to hold onto the feeling for as long as possible.