Goodnight Hunter

1- Not in love

I pull the sweaty sheets from my aching body, trying to ignore the frequent pounding in my head. I'm still not used to the after math, they say it gets better with time but fuck that shit. It's all lies.

As I step off of the bed I stare at the disheveled hair peeking from under the covers. I walk closer towards him again, peeping at his flawless face. I need to stop doing this. I need to stop it all before something bad happens, we all know that sooner or later the easy life you may live will all change in the blink of an eye. Evolving into something that resembles a nightmare rather than a dream. You can never bathe in eternal happiness. It's not realistic.

I stride towards the bathroom once I tore my eyes away from the Greek goddess that is now laying in my bed.

I can't keep giving in to him, we broke up and I don't think I can re-live the heartbreak he had created for me, he didn't even have a valid reason to break it off with me, he just blurted it out one day. I spent the following weeks laying in my own pool of tears and drowning in the sorrow my emotions had made for me. I did heal. I have recovered. But every time he steps back in on a drunken night I can resist, I'm not over him just yet. I just want to hold onto the lies a little longer, they keep me sane. They hold me together.

I turn on the shower making sure that it's on full blast, coldest it can be. I need to think, I need to decide and then? I need to forget. I know that it's best to let go but what if I'm selfish? What if I want him all to myself forever?

The door opens revealing his naked body in all its glory. Oh dear lord.

"Get out I'm in the shower Zayn!!!" I screech at the top of my lungs in irritation

"Oh shush I've seen you naked plenty of times!" I chuckle escapes my lips as I look at him through the steaming glass.

I stare into his eyes for awhile with awe and then shake it off. I can't be with him it's eating me up inside.

"Can I join you madam?" Mmmm eat my needy body out in the shower no! No Scarlett your not giving in!

My body controls me overall, leaving my mind there to scream in terror as my body performs a bobbing of my head.

My inners scream at my poor decision making as the other side of me tries to reason with them. This is a goodbye this is the last time. I scoff. The amount of times I've told myself that now it shouldn't sound so convincing, it's a lie that stands out more than the rest.

He opens the glass door and slips his body into the shower with me. He starts to run his hands gently through my wet hair. This is the last time.

******
I dry off my body with the fluffy white towel and watch him dry himself off. The water droplets drop down his toned body and all I want to do is drool. He doesn't have a six pack or a muscular figure but he is still undeniably sexy.

I slip on my clothes as quick as I can, wanting to get this over with as quick as I can. I need to do it while I still physically can because soon it's going to become impossible to shake of the feeling, impossible to just look, impossible to leave.

I let out a sigh before gathering my problems and my love, wanting to hand it all back to him on a silver plater. I take every step slowly, each one feeling like a knife to the chest. My strained steps come to a stop when I'm directly in front of him. I gulp. He grabs my waist, running his fingers along my exposed stomach. I shiver under his touch but tense once again.

"Already back for round two? Or is it round three?" He says cockily and I scoff with a scowl.

"It's over Zayn I'm not letting you do this to me! I'm not just some porn in your games." He steps backwards, my words clearly hitting a nerve.

" What do you mean 'it's over'?" We were never a thing you stupid girl!" My heart shatters, leaving my jaw to drop dramatically and my eyes to tear up with wells of tears.

"Then what is this? What do you call this Zayn? What is all this to you?" I try to shout but my voice comes out hoarse and weak.

He shrugs " it's just a bit of fun Scarlett you should learn to have fun." My lips quiver as water cascades down my sorrow ridden face.

"Get out of my apartment you slut. You mean nothing. I don't want your girly emotional shit leaking onto my clean carpet. Thank you. The exit is there." He says blankly while pointing to the front door.

I run over to it, emotions still to overwhelming for my  features. I came believe it.. I can't believe that I was to oblivious to see it coming. I can't believe that I actually let my feelings show. I can't believe that I've been loving someone who never loved me. But now, for sure I know one thing. I'm not in love. I will never love. I will never let my feelings control me again. Form now on Scarlett winters downer do love.