It hasn't been the same.
It hasn't been the same since she came home from the doctors, although, she does a good job of covering up her emotions, but she is an award winning actress so I'm not surprised really.
For an entire week all I've seen are fake smiles, distance, and a hint of self consciousness in her actions. Whenever she's around me everything she does is fragile, as if I'm going to just snap in anger and scream at her in frustration.
She is tip-toeing around me and I don't like it. I don't like this sudden change, I don't like how she's acting but whenever I try to talk to her about it her eyes avert to the floor and she quickly changes the topic of conversation.
I've know her for three and a half years, I dated her for a year and we've been married for two years; in all that time she has never been so frightened. The only time I can think of her acting strangely was when we were dating and she was arranging my highly secretive surprise birthday party, she was quiet, fidgety.
And she acted that way because she was hiding something from me.
I push the thought away.
You've probably realised by now that I'm very possessive over Emma; she is my heart, and soul, my entire life and reason for being. We know each other inside out, every gesture, the familiar sound of our voices, our likes and dislikes. Every single thing. So when she acts different, I pick up on it immediately and become concerned.
I know that if I leave her to herself and let her have her own space, she'll probably tell me in her own time; but then again, I can't help but be paranoid. The last time I accused Emma of something I had no evidence for it, it was just pure paranoia and jealousy; I hated the lack of attention I got from her and it was a whimsical accusation that I'm not proud of.
Anyway, enough of that. Emma's seen George almost everyday this week. I forgot how genuinely nice that guy is, he's always been there for Em's and he's a great actor. I remember the first day I met him, a big welcoming smile on his face and a firm handshake, he was very supportive of mine and Emma's relationship and he has been a good friend to us since we've been together.
I was really glad when I saw him again at the beginning of this week, Emma had invited him to our house for lunch, after we'd prepared a homemade salad. It was nice. She seems a lot more optimistic when he's around, like everything is back to normal and she's just being herself, so I don't mind when they're together because she's the old Emma, and that's all I could ask for.
Yesterday he told me that him and his girlfriend had a baby seven months ago. A little boy that they named Peter, he was born on a Tuesday weighing nine pounds and two ounces; George went on to show me photos of the baby, a coy smile dancing on Peter's lips and bright red chubby cheeks that I'm sure his nana has already pinched. Peter is very cute, and it made me think of me and Emma, and the family that we'll have one day.
I smile involuntarily at the thought, I want nothing more in this world than a family, I love children, and mine and Emma's would be spectacular. I can just imagine a curly haired toddler running around downstairs, their tiny feet padding along the cream carpeted floor, and deep dimples indented in their cheeks as me and Emma chase them playfully.
That day will make my life complete, a family is the only thing I could ever want or ask for.
I'd like a girl first I think, although I'd be blessed with either if I'm being perfectly honest. And I'd like multiple children, three, maybe four, I'm not really sure. I think that's something that me and Emma have to discuss; we have actually talked about having children in the past, we both come from very close families so it's quiet important to us to have children.
