Why Me?

Chapter 7••Pas Encore

||WORD COUNT: 1605||

Cailea's POV:

**1 week and a few days later**

"Cal I'm leaving for school!" I call out.  

"Okay bye! Don't forget to-"

"To grab your homework, I know! Love you bye!" I yell as I walk out of the house. As I get into Calum's car I can't help but feel slightly nervous. I don't know why but there's something about going back to school after a week and a half just seems-unsettling. I shake the feeling off and turn the keys and listen to the engine roar to life. I turn on the radio because the silence is starting to freak me out and Mr. Brightside by The Killers fills the speakers. I turn up the volume and start to sing and dance along. As I come to a red light I grab my phone and begin typing a message to Emily asking if she wanted anything from Starbucks. After I send the text, I toss my phone into the passengers seat and panic when I look up at the car beside me.

"Shit. Fuck. Oh God" I whisper to myself. I look away and turn the radio off. I try to make as little noise and movement as possible but then the car behind me honks, telling me the light is green and I need to go and of course, Ashton looks right over in my car. He smiles awkwardly at me and instead of returning it, I speed off. I still haven't talked to him since the hospital and believe me, I want to. But I feel like if I did, it'd just be awkward between us. I know Cal's accident and Jaxon and I's breakup wasn't his fault, but Ashton's the type of guy who would blame himself for it. Not to mention the conversation I overheard between him and Emily. I start to wonder who would've been wrong in that situation. Yes, Ashton lied, but if he hadn't they wouldn't have been able to see me for a while and I appreciate him-I mean them- coming to check up on me. However, Emily was sort of right with the whole 'if we get caught...' and the games thing. I just don't know what to think anymore. 

I pull into the Starbucks drive-through and check my phone while I wait for the guy in front of me to finish ordering. 

Em: Yeah I'll just have my usual and an apple cinnamon muffin.

I don't take the time to respond, and pull up to the microphone thing.

"Welcome to Starbucks, how can I help you?"

"Hi, can I get a grande iced vanilla latte, a venti very berry hibiscus and an apple cinnamon muffin please?"

"You sure can. Is that all?" 

"Yes, thank you" I say and pull up. I don't bother listening for the cost because it's the same every morning.

***

"Emily!" I call over to her as I walk into the school. She turns around and reveals our group; Luke, Michael, Marcus, Bridget and behind them all -probably hiding from me- Ashton stands. I walk over to her and hand her her food. 

"Sorry guys, I didn't even think to ask you guys if u wanted anything." 

"It's fine. We're used to being forgotten." Luke says and lets out an exaggerated sigh and looks away dramatically. I shove his arm and he looks down at me with a pout across his face.

"Oh come on Lukey, you can't stay mad at me forever!" I say in a fake whiny tone.

"I know." He smiles at me while taking hold of my drink and taking a rather large drink of it. 

"Hey! That's mine!" I grab it back and we all start to laugh. All of us, except for Ashton who is looking at us with narrowed eyes. 

"So, did you guys miss me lots?" I ask. 

"You were gone? Jeez I hardly noticed."  Marcus jokes and Bridget smacks his stomach lightly. He smiles down at her and presses a light kiss on her lips. I've always envied their relationship. They've been together since the 7th grade when Marcus went to a school dance for once in his life and requested her favourite song. He asked her to dance and then they've been together ever since. I feel like their relationship is so goals, it's something you'd read in a book because you'd never expect it to happen in real life, ya know? (wink wink). Just then the music plays through the school speakers which means we should all probably get to our lockers and then to class before the period one bell goes off. 

"See you guys at lunch?" I ask. They all nod or say yes and we disperse. 

***

Ashton's POV:

Seeing Cailea this morning in the car and then with Luke did something to me. I know she avoided me this morning on purpose which hurt a lot, but seeing her with Luke gave me this feeling that I just can't place. As I close my locker with my textbook and binders for my french class, I catch a glance of her brown hair walk past me and into the french room. I almost forgot that we had almost every class together. I decide to suck it up and hope for the best and make my way into french. As I had anticipated, she's sitting in her usual spot, turned around to talk to the girl sitting beside her. I silently walk over to my desk which is right beside hers; something we had 'set up' earlier this semester. 

"D'accord, bonjour mes amis! Asseyez-vous s'il vous plaît!"(All right, my friends! Sit down, please!) Mme Rehner calls to the class. Everyone sits in their own seats and quiets down. I want to look over at Cailea but I can't bring myself to do it. 

"Aujourd'hui, vous travaillez avec vos partenaires sur le projet de Paris"(Today, you will work with your partners on the Paris project). Oh no. I completely forgot that my partner for the project was Cailea. I turn to look at her and her face is expressionless as she looks down at her folded hands on her desk and I have no idea what to think about that. Does she still want to work with me? Will she even talk to me? I start to feel sick as I slowly pull what we have done out of my binder.

"So what do we have left?" I hear her ask quietly. She moves her chair closer to my desk. She sits back down and starts to look over the papers. 

"I uhm- We uh. We just have to finish up the tourist destinations and then work on the visual and then we're done." I breath out. The room is so loud but my mind is only focused on her and her only. 

"Alright well, if you were able to go to Paris, where would you want to go?" She asks still looking at the paper. 

"I don't really know. You?"

"I want to visit The Louvre." I lightly chuckle at that.

"What?" She giggles, finally looking up. She isn't looking at my face but my neck is a start I guess.

"Do you remember when we were younger, and the three of us used to play airplane and every time we played, you wanted to go to Paris just so you could go there. It was the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower." I feel a smile spread across my face as I think about the memories we made when we were young. 

"Yeah I remember." She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear and looks down again, a frown on her face. I immediately feel guilty and also a little sad as well because we're not in a great spot right now and thinking about all that stings at my heart ever so slightly.

"Listen Cails, I'm sorry." I blurt out and lean down to try and meet her gaze.

"For what? You didn't do anything?" She says trying to sound casual. 

"Yes I did. I ruined this. Us. I miss being the one you talk to all day everyday." I motion between us and she looks up at me. Finally.

"Ash, you know that's not your fault. If anything it's mine. I cut you off and shut you out." I know she's sort of right but I won't let this go. I can't let her think all this is her fault.

"If I hadn't pushed Calum, or fought with Jaxon and then Emily we would still be talking everyday." I look at her and her frown deepens. "Look, you don't have to say anything else about this. Just-I'm sorry." She furrows her eyebrows and I can't even try to read her expression because her head is still down. 

"Okay." She whispers, her voice cracking. All of a sudden, she gets up, grabs her stuff and walks out of the class. Mme. Rehner comes over to me and gives me a questioning look.

"She uh, went to the bathroom. She wasn't feeling too great." I say. She gives me a warning look like she always does when we speak in english. However I didn't care to translate. All I cared about was Cailea and how she ran out of her crying. Because of me. Again.

//: Yo what's good?! Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I don't have an excuse I'm sorry!! It sucks to see (*read*) these two go through this but I promise it gets better! Thanks for reading! Also, don't be a ghost reader!!- Hannah:\\