Why Me?

Chapter 14••Hard

||WORD COUNT: 1036||

Ashton's POV:

I wake up slowly and as soon as I open my eyes, the sun immediately blinds me and I groan and throw a hand over my eyes. I lift my head up to see if Cailea's awake, and find her not there. I look around the room and she's no where to be found.

"Cailea?" I groan loudly.

"Kitchen." Is all she says. I swing my legs over the side of the couch, banging my ankle off the table in the process.

"Fuck." I hiss. After the pain subsides, I stand up and walk into the kitchen and see Cailea sitting on the counter with her phone in her hands. I walk over to the fridge to grab something to drink.

"Hey." I greet as I grab to orange juice.

"Hi." She mumbles. I really hope things aren't going to be awkward today because of-last nights events-. I clear my throat and break the silence.

"So uhm, what do you want to do today?" I ask.

"I was invited to go shopping with Emily and Bridget today so I think I'm just gonna hang with them. We haven't hung out in a while and we have things to catch up on. Girl stuff ya know?" She smiles although I can see that it's not genuine.

"Oh yeah that's cool. I can drive you to the mall later if you want?"

"Uh, sure. We're going at like 3, and then to dinner afterwards. So we have like-3 hours to hang out." She looks at her phone for the time. I nod.

"Well I'm going to get dressed and take a shower. I'll be right back." I say and then leave the kitchen, placing my glass in the sink.

Cailea's POV:

I don't have plans with my friends, although now I should probably make them or else he'll know I'm lying. I can't get the dream out of my head. It's been playing on repeat over, and over and the more I think about it, the more I feel like I want it.

I wish things with Ashton weren't so hard. Like when we were kids, if you had a crush on someone, it was no big dea, because it always went down something like this:

"Hey Ashy, I love you" I'd smile and then he would look at me and think one of two things; 'eww! She has cooties' or 'I love her too'. However, you'd stil end up "together" and would tell people how 'in love' you were-as if you really knew what it was- and that you were going to get married someday.

Now, everything I ever knew about love and relationships was basically thrown out the window, and I had to start all over again. Which totally sucked because it took a long time.

When I was with Jaxon, I thought I was in love, but now that I'm out of that relationship, I don't really think I was. And I know that he wasn't in love with me either.
You're about to find out some deep stuff here so gather 'round children.

So Jaxon and I were dating for almost 3 years, and after the first couple of months, I had found out that he'd still been seeing his ex girlfriend and he'd also been smoking a lot of pot. I-of course- was devastated and hated to think that this guy that I thought was so different, had been like every guy I've heard about. (Jaxon was my first real boyfriend since middle school so my impression of guys was really just based on media and guys my friends had dated). I broke up with Jaxon the day he told me, but after days, maybe even weeks of persuasion and negotiation, I had agreed to give him one more chance but only if he stopped seeing her and he went to rehab. And he did. He got better, and we went on with our lives.

What he did and what he has done, is what led me to believe that my 'love' for him wasn't real, and was just a fantasy.

Apparently I've been thinking for a long time, because I hear the water from upstairs turn off, and about 5 minutes later, Ashton comes downstairs in all his shirtless glory.

"Uh hey."

"So last night, that was a slip and it is to never happen again. Got it?" I sternly say. He doesn't say anything, he ony stares at me with a dumb look on his face.

"Ashton" I bark.

"Oh yeah.. sorry."

"Are we clear?"

"Crystal." He nods and I return the gesture and walk out of the kitchen feeling the buzz in my head and the sick feeling in my gut.

I make a turn to go upstairs, and take each step very slowly, not wanting to do anything because of the numbness I feel right now. As I reach the top, I don't go right to my room like I was going to, instead I walk towards Cal's room.

I don't knock, I just twist the handle and drag my feet into the room, and to the side of his queen sized bed, where he lay sleeping on the other side. I don't wake him up, I only sit down on the empty side and pull the blankets over my legs. He begins to stir and turns over to me.

"Mmm. AAAH!" He exclaims.

"Sorry." I mumble. Any other day, that would've been funny, but right now, I'm just too sad to laugh.

"What are you doing in here Cailea? I was sleeping." He asks sitting up slightly and rubbing his eyes. I don't answer, only shrug.

"Are you okay?" He reads my face. I go to nod, but with each shake of my head, the harder it is to keep my poker face on. Eventually I give up trying and just cry in front of my brother.

"Shh, Cails. What happened?" He sat right up and in front of me looking into my eyes. I take a huge breath and prepare to explain and re-live everything that I've kept bottled up inside for the past month.

No words- Just sorry.-Hannah ❤