Why Me?

Chapter 21••Emotions

"Cailea I- where did you find that?"

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Cailea's POV:

"When did you write this?" I almost growl.

"Please, just- let me explain it. I promise you, it's not that big 'a deal okay?" He looks me in the eyes. I let out a dry laugh.

""Not that big 'a deal". Are you mad? Ashton, we dated 4-almost 5 years ago. We talked about us not even a month ago, and then you come up with this? What the fuck? You honestly think this is fair? Did you even think about how I would feel after reading this? One of the worst things is, you didn't even give this to me, you had to get my brother to do it. Ya know what? Fuck you. Fuck this. I don't even-I can't even-" I shout. I can feel all this anger and some other feeling bubbling up inside of me. I start to hyperventilate and I fall to my knees.

"Cailea. Cailea please- calm down." I hear Ashton. I feel his hand touch my arms and I immediately jerk my body out of his reach and I feel my lungs screaming for air, and my cheeks soaked with tears.

I gasp for air, only getting nothing. I need to calm down-as much as I don't want to- I can't breath, and I'm crying hysterically. I'm a mess- over a boy. I'm such an idiot. I hear Ashton get up from the grunt from his mouth and the slight creaking of the floor. A few seconds after, I feel his presence sitting behind me, and before I can move, he wraps his arms around my shoulders tightly. I thrash and try to fight him off, only tiring myself out even more.

"Ashton let me go!" I scream.

"Shh. Cailea it's okay. Please." I can hear his voice cracking up and I feel my heart break even more.

After a while, I have to give up, and stop fighting for a second to catch my breath, but only end up crying even more than before if at all possible. I relax in his arms, that are now squeezing me very tightly, but not so much that I'm uncomfortable. I feel my breathing slow down, along with my heart rate.

Although there are still tears falling from my eyes, and I'm hiccuping, I'm mostly back to my normal state-aside from my appearance. I keep hearing sniffles from behind me and I know that he's crying.

After thinking about all of this-the letter, Ashton being around with me this past hour, before that even- I realized how horrible I am. This boy, just confessed to me, and I lost my mind. He loves me. And I hurt him. I turn my head around and do my best to look up at him. His once beautifully bright hazel eyes, are now red and puffy and just look tired and sad.

"Ashton." I whisper so quietly, I almost don't hear myself. However, he looks down at me and loosens his grip around me, but still holds onto me.

Without thinking, I turn my upper body around to face him, grabbing his face in my hands and kiss him. He stiffens ever so slightly, but the action fades as fast as it came, as he begins to kiss me back, taking my face into his large hands, and his fingers just touching my hair. The kiss is full of fire and passion and it's not long before he's lying on his back on the floor with me sitting on his waist. Small tears fall from my eyes, no matter how hard I screw them shut. All of a sudden, he breaks the kiss and looks at me.

"Cailea. What's wrong?" He looks concerned.

"Nothing. I'm okay." I lightly smile.

"You're crying. Am I moving too fast? I'm so sorry Cails. I never meant to hurt you I promise." He rambles.

"I swear, I'm okay. I'm not mad at you. I think I'm more mad at myself than anything. I have loved you for so long, and I kept quiet about it because I was so sure that you didn't want me like that anymore and I tried to get over it but every time you smiled or made me laugh or did anything really- I fell right back to square one. I'm not crying because I'm sad or mad- I'm crying because I'm so relieved. This massive weight has been lifted from my chest and it's all working itself
out. It's like everything is finally coming together." I look down at him to see him smiling at me from ear to ear.

"What?" I chuckle, starting to feel self conscious after what I had just said.

"You love me." He reaches up and caresses my cheek with his finger tips. "You-Cailea Olivia Marie Hood- love me." He smiles and I can see the small tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"Yes Ashton. If that's all you're going to take from that-" I'm cut off by him sitting up, and pressing his lips onto mine again.

I smile into the kiss and feel his tongue grace my bottom lip, begging for a way in. I give him access, and his tongue enters my mouth, coming into contact with mine, and fighting for dominance. My hands travel down his chest and stomach, to the ends of his shirt, tugging on it and silently asking him to take it off. He breaks the kiss for only a second to rip it off and toss it to the side and begins to pepper small kisses along my jawline and behind my ear. I let out a quiet moan once he hits my weak spot. I bite my lip to keep from moaning again to prevent waking our friends. He takes my thighs in his large hands and lifts me so that I'm sitting right in his lap, on his hands. That's when I feel him stand up, taking me with him. I waste no time wrapping my legs around his waist, and taking off my shirt as well as he turns to lock the door while holding me with his other arm.

The both of us laugh as he drops me onto the bed, climbing over me.

"Do you trust me?" He asks in a deep, raspy voice. I nod my head quickly and he smirks down at me.

"Good. Because I've been waiting so long to be this close to you." He whisper-yells and I just lay here biting the corner of my lip, and smiling up at him.

//:I promised smut.. here it is. I promise you, this is not it my nasty little friends. For anyone who is tired of this back and forth drama w/ these guys, I'm pretty sure we're all done with the bad stuff for now...So yeah- don't forget our little deal, and don't be ghost readers guys!!!-Hannah❤:\\