Love triangle 666

Pt 1 - The great news

The day the news came, no one could beleive it. it was a shock to all of europe except finland because finland was still building saunas and didnt have TV or newspapers. peopel spoke about it for miles around, even at the swedish corner shop.

In a far away country called suffuk (it's near armenia) lived a beautiful princess called Dani. She was teh most beautiful princess in all of da land, and every man dreamed of marrying her. she had a boyfriend for a long time, his name was phil. one sad day, phil died n Dani was single again. Every black metal man on the world wanted to marry her. she had a beautiful voice, long flowing dreadlocks n sexy big front teeth. she had pretty red eyes and great fashion sense, and she needed a new boyfriend to be the king of black metal and to get stuff off the top shelf for her becuase she couldn't reach it. 

Princess Dani sent out her knights paul and martin to find the hottest, most scary black metal men in all of the world. Most of them had already seen the news but it was protocol n stuff. Paul n martin rode far over europe in their un insured Saab looking for teh best black metal bands. They slayed all of teh fake posers and found teh only tru black metal bands left. Paul went to Norway, the land of the truest most kvlt black metal ever and the most handsom guys in teh world. he give the news station a DVD of the news with a message from princess Dani to teh tru black metal band Imortel. it was a hard journey in teh ice n snow n permafrost, but he got teh DVD there becus it was cheaper than posting stuff 2 norway in the mail bcus shipping rates r bad there. paul liked teh mc donelds an teh forists there and he had sum beers with natefrost from crapathian forist.

next paul n martin met up again in chekoslovakia where there is no such thing as black metal and teh whole country smells funny. they went across teh border to teh great land of poland, it is very easy to invade there. evryone smelt of smoked sausages n bitterness about teh germans, n they were all christians. they went 2 tha news station n give the DVD to them, first the news station was going to sue them 4 blasphemy but they got away wit it and gave them da DVD saying it was about jesus. really they had a message for teh band beemoth (the name is from bee because bees sting and moth bcus moths come out at night n like fire, so it's a very dark name) what did tru evil things like rip a bible up n employ a hipster for a singer.

Next martin went on a journey an paul had a party in russia that is nex door to poland where all teh black metal is rubbish but they have a lot of vodka n fake addidas clothes. He learned to rap like an angry communist n play CS go.

Martin travelled a long way, and the air around him started to get thick n spooky like ghosts. soon he couldnt see n was feeling real high, and he had the munchies really bad. he waded thru tulips n a forest of huge cannabis plants dat were tall as da sky. Martin fought thru teh thick cloud of weed smog and saw a windmill n a red light, finally he had made it to da nederlands. He went to teh news station, but evryone was high, so he found da DV-deenen player what you put dutch DVDs is. he opend the disc draw but it was full of weed n sex chat lines adverts so he had 2 clean it first. he lodid the DVD in there n hopetd that da band Crach angern would see it bcus they were da only black metal in dutchland. they might not see it bcus they are all passed out from so much weed. He went 2 a sovenir shop n got a 'bongen' what is like a bong but more powerful and then went back to meet paul who was wearing a addidaski traksuit. 

there work here was done and princess Dani would soon have a new boyfriend. they went back 2 Suffuk with teh great news.