Love triangle 666

Chapter 3 - fear and loathing in poland pt. 1

In da far away land of Poland, 3 polish gvys were eating svm smoked savsage n polish stvff. they were in a polish cafe called Kzykskokowaskazki, what means ''the cafe'' in polish talk. it wasnt a svnny day n the other polish people were all in teh chvrch or bvilding a wall to keep ovt teh germans n the town was very qviet. these gvys were from teh band beemoth n they were wearing corpsepaint which made the christians real mad. they were dipping smoked savsages in there coffee n talking abovt plvmbing jobs becavse polish people are only plvmbers n electricians. polish people have big foreheads it's a well known fact, n beemoth was no exceptshvn.

Onion was sitting in teh chair near the window with all the savsages. he was teh digeridoo player for beemoth an he was real scary. he had a long hair and svm tattoos of a polish flag n some other stvff that wasnt proper english (becavse hes polish) he had leather pants n boots n a black shirt on. Onion wasnt his real name, his real name was Lvcaszsz Kyptoviskwaski bvt he said he loved onions even tho polish people dont know what an onion is becavse they only have that in France. He was a champion in svperski Mariovskowa what is a polish game abovt plvmbers and blak magic mvshrooms dat got sved by Mysticvm for vsing dat in teh game. He also liekd to eat marshmallows with pickled aggs every svnday.

the drvmmer called Infvrno was sitting next to him. Infvrno was tall as well bcvs there are no short people in poland and he had big arms and wore a vest becavs drvmmers arent allowed to wear normal shirts. He covld play teh special polish folk blaskowski beat with one foot becas he only had one foot and he vsed polish smoked savsage for drvmsticks. he went free rvnning a lot and when he was in college he snorted a lot of jelly beans vntil he got gangreen and his foot fell off. now he did a lot of anti drvgs camoaigns and he was a big enemy of crach angern bcvs they love drvgs. he was playing a blaskowski beat on teh table with a polish savsage n the other gvys were hair windmilling to it becavse he was one of teh only good drvmmers in black metal that was not norwegian.

Noorgal was teh singer of beemoth. he was drinking his coffee even thovgh it was bvrning his throat bcvs he liked stvff before it was cool. he had a lot of tattoos what his 12 year old niece did for him with a ballpoint pen and a black sidewalk chalk and he was wearing a dress becavse it was his fav thing to wear. Noorgal was a trv sastanist and he worshipped satan every day and bvrned alsmost every chvrch in poland. it was a hard job and at the weekend he liked to go in teh apple store n get new mac books becavse he collected them and he really loved tweed a lot. noorgal had svch a shiny forhead that he covld blind people with it n he had a non-conformist invisibility cloak becavse he was cool before it was mainstream, that was his power. also he was the worlds oldest black metal singer and he was 72 years old.

they were all having coffee when they heard some christians shovting behind them. they thovght it was becavse of teh corpsepaint bvt it was becavse there was a DVD playing on the in coffee shop theatre system abovt princess Dani. Princess Dani once said Jesvs is a ladyparts and they didnt like her becavse that is not a nice thing to say.

''omg look gvys!'' said Noorgal and point at teh screen.

they all watched and saw that it was for them.

''princess Dani is singel again omg, I wil marry her!'' said Infvrno

teh others were lookin at him all annoyed. they were gettin jealvs of teh drvmmer bcvs he was teh only good looking one in the band and he wovd probably win princess dani's trv love. Noorgal looked arovnd bvt teh news had finished and the christians were in da zoo near the lions. he was real tempted 2 go and pvsh them in, bvt he already had 48 restraining orders from the zoo for playing black metal 2 the elephants n making them stampeed.

''hey gvyz we better go home n get all handsome n shiz 4 Dani, wat if she sees vs looking all polish n thinks were jvst teh plvmber or something?'' said Infvrno.

''svre bvt I want 2 get some more smoked savsage first'' said onion.

''bvt v already had 20 today.'' said infvrno

then noorgal gotta great idea 2 get rid of infvrno.

''actvally i want 2 have a smoked savsage too'' said noorgal all svspiciovs.

''ok'' said the others n they went to the polish savsage shop.

most of the shops in poland sell smoked savsage n the whole town where they lived was smoking shops for it.

noorgal went into the savsage shop n it smelled real smoky in there. he bovght 1 normal savsage n another xtra smoked one. it was getting dark n creepy ovtside bcvs there was only 2 hovrs of light in poland which is why everyone is depressed.

he sneakily went into da back of the shop when no one was looking and into da store room. there were tiles on da walls n he headbvtted the wall and knocked one off on the floor. he broke it in half so it was sharp like a knife n got ovt teh xtra smoked savsage. slowly he started 2 sharpen da savsage with the tile, it wovld take many hovrs.

''I will show dat drvmmer'' thovght noorgal.

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5 hovrs later noorgal went back 2 tha hovse where the others had gone becavse he was in the savsage shop for 5 hovrs.

''hey i thovght yov were lost in there'' said Infvrno

''yeh i was'' said noorgal, lying.

''wow bvt it's a very small shop'' said onion, confvsed

''yeh bvt i'm short'' said noorgal.

he give the normal savsage to onion n he took ovt teh extra smoked savsage what was sharpened to a deadly point and hid it in his tweed vrban ovtfitters jacket.

noorgal needed 2 distract teh drvmmer, so he dropped a goat sacrifice weekly magazine on teh floor bcvs that was his fav magazine.

''oh wow someone dropped a goat sacrifice weekly!'' said infvrno, excited n happy.

noorgal took da chance n got ovt da savsage shank knife. infvrno looked vp becavs of teh smokey smell, he thovght a chvrch was on fire bvt it was 2 late. Noorgal stabbed him in the earlobe with teh savsage and he fell 2 the grovnd.

''omg wat r v doing?'' said onion looking scared at noorgal.

''he is da sexy one, he will get princess Dani so I killed him by stabbing his main artery in his earlobe.'' said noorgal.

there was a lot of blood n the drvmmer was dead instantly from teh fatal wovnd.

''good idea!'' said onion n hit the drvmmer with his smoked savsage 2 make svre he died good.

onion and noorgal ate da evidence. one day, they wovld hav 2 kill each other, bvt 4 now they were a team n trv friends...