Love triangle 666

Chapter 2 - Blashyrkh pt 1

In a small town in Norway a guy called abbat turned on the TV. first he saw a advert for krispy kreme and then suddenly the great news came on. Norway has better TVs than all teh other poor countries so he saw it first of course. it was a big 42'' TV with 666 channels so he could see all of teh princess Dani's nose hairs n he got real excited n hot. 

Abbat was a short guy but his chin was huge so no one said anything about him being short. he liked 2 wear girls spandex leggins and he never wore a shirt because shirts r for posers. he had very dark black hair n sounded like an african even tho he was from Norway. he had a bad leg illness so he walked like a crab alll the time and somethimes people thought he was a coffee table not a black metal singer and put books on him. 

his 2 band mates were there too makin some toast n corn flakes, they always liked crispy corn flakes not soggy ones so they put on da milk last after buttering the toast. There was teh drummer called Whorgh who did good blashyrkhbeats but he was morbidly obese so they didnt make 2 much music because he might have a heart attack. he had a big forehead n nipples like cherrys that u see on cream cakes. he had a eating disorder for only eating cornflakes n burger king, not like hellhammer who could only eat mcdonelds. he had a very bad allergy to toast as a kid and had 2 stay away from it or he would have an allergy fit n choke to death on buttery sick and his eyes would turn yellow, it was a horrible sight and he had an epipen for it. 

his best friend was called Demonjiz and was also in imortel, he was the piano and oboe player. demonjiz also had a long hair and was fat as well but not morbidly obese. he loved toast more that life and would kill himself if they had no toast. his nickname was butter side up, like when you drop toast but get lucky. He was tall and had a bad phobia of the blue men group and french people that liked playing chess.

both of them jumped when abat yelled from the lounge n ran in there, forgeting to take the cornflakes. they would be soggy and vark would feel a lot of pain because he had a telekinetic link to cornflakes. they gatherd around teh TV and watched teh news in Norwegian full HD, what is similar to 1960's movies because evrything in Norway is Lo-fi n trve.

''this is a message to Imortel in Norway. the beautiful princess Dani is single again and needs a boyfriend to be the king of all black metal and get stuff off the top shelf. you have been choosen as one of the bands to compete 4 her love and marry her.''

there was a beautiful mezmerising shot of princess Dani and they all drooled until the floor was flooded. it froze quick because abat had pure permafrost for breath n could freeze stuff, that was his special power n also his dandruff was like pure snow and he could make a blizzard with it becaus he was a blizzard beast.

the band was so excited, but they knew only one of them could marry princess Dani.

teh DVD was taped over pauls bad home porn DVD with Mustis and the last clip cut in of him trying to give a BJ to a piano and Mustis flashed him in a rain coat in the park.

the news went on to the next thing, and a shot of a burning mcdonelds with ''Vark does it again'' was on the screen. the fryer fat had gone on the trees in an exploshun and there was a bad forest fire.

''this is the most amazing news in the hole world, princess Dani is so beautiful I will die!'' shouted Abat.

the others nodded and agreed that it was amazing news n they wanted 2 marry princess dani, but they all known only one of them could do it and the others would die or be virgins 4 ever.

''I will be the 1 to marry her!'' said Whorgh, happy and sure he would. most drummers are not smart so he thought it was true.

Whorgh went 2 tha kitchen to get his cornflakes, scared they would b soggy. the Icy drool on the floor was very slippery.

Demonjiz looked at abat and smiled jealosly.

''Only one of us can have da princess Dani, and it shouldnt be him bcus hes only a drummer!'' whispered Demonjiz evilly.

Abat looked woried, but nodded yes. he knew it was da only way.

''I dont kno which one of us will live, but we have to get rid of him first.'' said Demonjiz.

suddenly there was a loud band from the kitchen n they looked around.

''help!''

the others looked sly at each other and knew dis was there chance. they got up and went 2 the kitchen. whorgh had slipped on the frzen drool and some butter that was on the floor, and the butter was giving him a severe allergy rash on his leg what had swollen up to the size of a couch.

''oh no, what happened?'' asked abat, pertending to be nice.

''I fell n got butter on my leg, I'm having a allergy fit!'' said whorgh, his leg getting more fat by the second.

Demonjiz went to the table and got the epipen.

''quick, help!'' shouted whorgh, his leg was now as big as half of teh kitchen and he knocked over the milk.

Demonjiz loaded up teh epipen, but intead of an allergy shot he spinkled toast crumbs and pure butter and mushed up toast n butter in the needle.

he ran over to whorgh and injected him with the epipen.

''thank you so much!'' said the drummer as his leg got even more swollen.

''yeah, the thing is, ur gonna die.'' said Demonjiz.

''huh?'' said whorgh, looking scared.

''I filled ur epipen with toast n butter, bcause u are not marrying princess Dani, u son of a butterknife!'' Demonjiz laughed.

Abat was laughing too as Whorgh started to choke. His throat was filling with liquid buttern he couldn't breathe.

''w....w...why would u do this????'' he asked, crying a yellow tear as he started to die horribly from the pure toast in his blood stream.

''Dani is ours now, u fat basterd.'' said Abat, laughing like a psycho.

they reached 4 teh block of purest concentrated butter on teh table.

''no...... please dont!!!'' cried Whorgh.

there was a last dying look of fear in Whorghs eyes as they smeared his face with pure butter, making him slowly sufocate to death. A stream of molten butter pooled at Abat's feet and Whorgh was dead. They looked evil at each other as the butter made a shape of a pentagram on the floor.

''one down.'' thought Demonjiz evilly and sinisterly.

outside everything was innocent and it was snowing a lot.

Abat and Demonjiz sat at teh table (it was a good table with an inverted cross on it) and got there toast. the toast rack was made from Whorgh's ribcage.

''nice work. but you're next'' said Abat.

''heh. until tomorrow.'' said Demonjiz, sure dat he could kill abat first.

the toast was buttery and chrunchy n tasted like a sweet evil victory.

somewhere in oslo, varg screamed as his boner drooped real bad, some one in Norway had let the cornflakes go soggy.

The 2 band members went to bed, ready for the final doom tomorrow...