Letters To Alex

Pain and Love?

Here finally is the third chapter to Letters To Alex! I am so sorry it took so long, but at least its finally here. I also want to apologize for the length of this chapter, I will try my hardest to make the next chapter longer. Anyways I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I'm not feeling so confident of this one, so it would help a lot if you guys could give me your thoughts on this chapter and maybe even some help ful advice.

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Dear Alex,

Today's Thursday I can't wait to see you. Thursday is the only day I have a class with you, that's why I always long for the day to pass by so I can see you. Damn, you make me feel like such a girl. By just simply saying hello to me you make me smile like an idiot in the hall ways. Whenever you just glance at me you make my heart feel like its racing at a million miles an hour. Why do I feel this way? I've never felt this way before, so why do you make me feel this way? I know I don't love you, I can't comprehend love at this age. It's just not possible.

I stopped writing then and took a deep breath. I don't and can't love Alex. I'm only a kid, how could a kid feel something so powerful as true love?

Hearing the school bus round the corner, I sighed and dropped my notebook in my backpack. I hurriedly ran out of the door, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. I climbed the bus steps and was met by the ruckus that was inevitable on the bus no matter how hard our bus driver tried to control us. He would never be able to control this group.I quickly sat down at my seat and looked out the window watching the scenery go by.

As I sat alone as was usual, my thoughts drifted towards imagines I would have much not liked to think about. It was far too late now to reign in my thoughts in now though, so I simply let them go on while promising myself I wouldn't let this get to me.

The way Alex simply smiled at Sophia while in the cafeteria was enough to see he liked her. You could just tell in the way he spoke to her... it absolutely broke me.

I stopped myself then. Closing my eyes I took a deep breath, as the tears threatened to come. Why did I have to act so stupidly, so silly, so dramatic. Alex sure as hell wasn't mine, so I shouldn't feel so jealous or...so heartbroken. He's just a crush that I wil get over in a couple of months. Why Alex? Why do you make me feel this way?

I laughed humorlessly as I thought back to letter I had written to hime not even an thirty minutes ago. The letter had contained the same question I had just asked myself now.

Why Alex?

Taking another last deep breath I reopened my eyes, surprised to see the school already in my sights. Gathering up my stuff and awaiting for the bus to stop to make my descent down the bus stairs.

So much for promising myself my thoughts wouldn't affect my mood. No, I have to remember I'll get to really see Alex today. Today I'm even got to try to talk to him. I'm going to girl up and talk to him today. It was my resolution and I was sticking to it. With my new found resolution in place, I entered the school with a smile. I headed towards the cafeteria, passing the trophy display proudly presented near the school's entrance. Finally reaching the wooden doors to the cafeteria, I quickly entered and got into line, getting my food. Today's breakfast was one of my favorites. It was so simple, but delicious none the less. It was bread, which on it's own was amazing, topped with the sweetest frosty. It might not seem like much, but to me it was pure heaven, it was almost a sign that maybe today things would be alright.

I stood close to the foot of the line surveying the cafeteria looking for my friends. I quickly spotted them a couple of tables away laughing at some joke I suspected. I hurriedly went towards the direction of the table wanting to be apart of the joke.

As soon as I was a couple of feet away I also saw Alex sitting a table behind my friends. Immediately my smile widened and I comtemplated saying hi to him. Making my way to the table I kept glancing every few seconds at Alex. When I finally reached my table I saw who was sitting next to Alex. Sophia sat next to him. They both seemed in their own world smiling at each other. My smile faded and my heart broke into millions of pieces. I couldn't stay in that cafeteria, not with them sitting only a table away.

I made my way out of the cafeteria fighting tears the whole way. Why are you the only one that can make me feel this pain in my chest. Why Alex, why?