My Beautiful One

31. Angels and demons

"You don't have to do this, you know." Jace told me as I stood at the gates of the Institute. "You've done enough for us already."

I smiled ruefully at him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Who's 'us', Jace? Haven't I earned my right to be part of this 'us' that is allowed to risk their lives for the people they care about?"

He nodded, his blond hair glinting in the sunlight as it bobbed with the motion. "Of course, Amari, but-"

"I want to help," I interrupted, "and you can't stop me."

"Yeah, I know. It's just that that's exactly what Clary said, and she's with Jonathan Morgenstern right now."

"What I am going to do might well change that." I told Jace, regarding him seriously and not blinking once as I stared directly into his eyes. They looked like molten gold: beautiful, and shining with light and life. They were the exact opposite of Sebastian's eyes, which were cold and dark as the ninth circle of Hell. The comparison made me feel even more sympathy for Jace; Valentine's son had taken everything from him, and his world wouldn't be put right until he died by his sword.

Only that couldn't happen any time soon, as Jace couldn't leave the Institute.

"I want to go with you." He said, his tone of voice closer to begging than I'd ever thought was possible for him. "Can't you just wait a day? I'll convince Maryse to let me out of the Institute, and then we can go together to find your father. Even without my fighting expertise and experience with faeries, I would provide much-needed eye-candy."

I laughed. "Nice try, Jace. Faeries are descended from angels and demons, which means that for once in your life, you would probably not be the most attractive being there, and the only candy anybody in the Seelie Court would see you as is actual food."

Jace sighed: not defeated, but at least accepting. "Fine. Just... come back."

I gave him a wry smile. "Don't I always?"

And with that I drew an opening rune on the gate, slipped through it, and saw Jace lift his hand in a reluctant farewell before I took off down the street.

*   *   *

The faerie Kingdom hadn't changed at all since the last time I'd been there. It was exactly the same, its unearthly beauty only challenged by that of its inhabitants, who were even more beautiful.

Only I no longer saw immortality as beautiful. The idea of something never changing, never evolving, remaining untouched while the world tore itself apart and slowly healed only to tear itself apart again, was sickening to me.

Everybody smiled, I noticed as I hurried down the leaf-paved streets. Not genuine smiles, but the cold, smug grins of the immortal. They knew that however this war went, unless the world had literally been burned to ashes, they would escape unscathed as they always did for the simple fact that Shadowhunters would die. The Clave that shunned them for their crimes would be replaced by a new generation, and that would carry on until hate was leached out of society for faeries and they could carry on their immortal lives as they had before the war.

I supposed it would be hard to meet my father now. The last time I'd seen the man had been when I was eight years old, and Raziel knows, I'd changed since then. Would he shun me now that I'd become so Nephilim, or would the fact that I was related to him matter more than his pride over his position in the Seelie Court?

Blood is thicker than water. I thought as I turned onto the street on which the entrance to the Court was. Only they don't drink water here, and faeries have been discarding their offspring in favour of stronger ones for as long as their culture goes back.