My Beautiful One

35. Trouble in paradise

All was well, or at least that's how it seemed. Jonathan Morgenstern was in prison, locked away for the three days until his execution, and despite his threat about his plans living on whether he did or not, it appeared that the demons were gradually beginning to retreat now that they were without their leader.

The Shadowhunters were happy, the warlocks were happy, the werewolves were happy, the vampires were happy, the faeries had just shrugged the whole idea off and gone back to their own business as they always did, and most importantly, the Lightwoods and Clary's family were happy as well.

I wasn't, though. God knows, I should have been, and I laughed and smiled and celebrated along with the rest of the Shadow World that the world was now no longer at risk of being burned down. It's just that there was this terrible sense of guilt that crept into every thought in my mind, along with my treacherous thoughts about how Jonathan's trial wasn't entirely fair.

But it was fair. I told myself, staring down at my plate. I was eating dinner with the Lightwoods, Frays, and Penhallows in the Penhallows' very ornate dining room, and I'd spoken enough over the past hour to warrant a bit of quiet thought. Sed lex dura lex, Amari. The law is hard but it is the law.

"You know, I don't know how I didn't realise." I heard Aline say, and looked up politely to listen. "He didn't even look like Sebastian. Sure, I hadn't seen my cousin in years, but it should have taken a blow to the head to forget that big nose."

"Big nose?" Helen giggled.

Aline nodded energetically, and I was sure that the wine that we had all been given generous amounts of had something to do with both her and Helen's joy.

"Oh yes," she said, "Sebastian had a big nose. He was a handsome kid and his features all came together nicely, but he did have one hell of a beak. Jonathan Morgenstern's nose..." Aline face scrunched up and she held up her hand and pinched her thumb and index finger together so that they were about a centimetre apart. "All straight. And pretty."

"Like your nose." Remarked Isabelle, touching the tip of her finger to the nose of the person sitting on her right, which was Alec. Normal Alec Lightwood behaviour would have been swatting Isabelle's finger aside and storming out of the room whilst blushing furiously, but this slightly-drunk, abnormally-happy Alec just grinned and ruffled his sister's hair.

"But now we get justice." Said Jace, rising to his feet with his glass held high. I knew how he felt about self control now that he had the heavenly fire, but this was a night to celebrate, and by the glint in his eyes, I could see that he had been indulging in wine as well. "Justice, whether it is for losing a brother and a son," he looked at the Lightwoods, "a cousin," he smiled at Aline, "or your own free will." Jace gazed out of the window at the glowing demon towers of Alicante and looked glassy-eyed for a moment, but snapped out of it quickly. "We have our justice, and everything goes up from here. Cheers!"

Everybody clinked glasses and downed their drinks, laughing and going back to chatting. I looked around the table from happy face to happy face, searching for even a hint of discomfort and guilt. I knew that I was probably the only person who actually thought it was unjust that he should die, but was it really unreasonable to think that the execution of a seventeen year old boy should be something to sober your mood instead of lift it? After all, just as they claimed that they were getting justice for the death of a son and a brother and cousin, Jonathan himself was a son and a brother and had people (well, one person) in the world that loved him. Ironically, all of those people were sitting at the table, celebrating.

I've got to go. I thought. I know that what has been decided for Jonathan is what's best for the world, but if I'm going to have to learn to live in a world without him, the first step is not creating a worse situation for myself by getting angry at my friends.