excerpt from voice memo from defendant's phone, 27/02/17
"This word alone, this verdict in front of me, determines practically my whole life; whether I'll be a free woman or a caged animal. And I'm too scared currently. Scared out of my fucking mind, to open it and read it. Because I'm fearing for the worst, and the worst could possibly happen right now. I know I have to open it. I know I shouldn't be all that scared; this is my doing, all of my crimes and mistakes catching up to me slowly but steadily.
If anything, I'll die knowing the damage I've done. The family I've wrecked, the two cheery sons two mothers lost, one to death and one to prison, and the third son from a different mother that I've tainted, managed to sink my claws into and leave a mark on forever. I'm ready to die, face my guilt, and face my manipulative self.
I half expect to be inside a religious church, confessing my sins inside the confessional. But I'm not. I'm in my room, speaking loud and clear, so loud that my parents can hear the guilt laced in my voice. Because currently, I don't think I have any shame left to offer, any shame to say that what I'm doing and have done is embarrassing. I lost my virtues long before, and well, my dignity was never real in the first place. That's all I am, stripped bare, after all of the lies, acts, and faking is taken off. When you pull back the curtain, it's just a mere girl, and suddenly, she's powerless. The power she's so used to is gone, and all she is another human in this world. These people have seen me covered up, and now it's time I guess I let them see me bare as well, without the facade.
It's the least I can do to the family that's breaking apart at a frightening speed because of me.
As for my own family, I have nothing to say to them; not because I don't want to, but I can't. No parent is going to parade their poor excuse of a human daughter around, bragging about how she used her promiscuity to manipulate one boy to his death, another to prison, and a third one to be in love with her forever. Nobody wants to boast about how their daughter basked in attention by manipulating others in her own scheme.
I can't afford to cause any more pain, so let me put myself to rest at last. People say there's no rest for the wicked, but I think I'm far past being wicked. If nobody is willing to go near me to stop me, I'll stop myself. I owe it to them.
My heart's far too drunk to drive to my destination, and my brain is in blackout mode. I'm lost, but not for long. My state of mind is hazy, and while my body says to not do this, my legs start walking. Past the point of no return, I'm running to it, not looking back."
*running sounds, feet hitting ground quickly*
*sound of water splashing in the background, waves ruthlessly crashing against surfaces*
"One...
Two...
Three."
*silence*
"I didn't have to open the envelope to know what my mental state was. I already know what it is."
*crunch of leaves, pace of person increases*
*thud of door closing, talking in the background*
"Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Center. How may I help you?"
*silence*
"I'm not running anymore. I'm giving in. I'd like a permanent stay at the psychiatric hospital."
"Do you have a mental illness or disorder that can be treated at the psychiatric hospital? What is your reason?"
YOU ARE READING
Pulchritude
Short Storyshe was pulchritudinous, and that pulchritude did both wonders and horrors for her. told in the form of voicemails, call transcripts, and other forms of communication
