Healing Love (A Bensler fanfic)

Comfort, Love, Passion

Elliot sat in the living room of his suburban home drinking a beer while a new episode of his favorite show, Criminal Minds, was playing on the television. Usually Elliot would be engrossed in the case the BAU was trying to solve, correcting them out loud when they made a mistake and pumping a fist in the air when he guessed correctly who the unsub was. But tonight Criminal Minds was the least of Elliot's concerns. Instead, he was staring blankly ahead, thoughts of Olivia and his job at SVU interrupting his concentration of the show.

Liv had been his biggest loss after leaving SVU, but he had brought it upon himself, hadn't he? He was the one to leave without a goodbye, him losing her was his fault. Elliot could have stayed, or at least he could have left with an explanation and a goodbye. So why hadn't he? The answer wasn't lost on him. It was his anger, or really, his barely being able to take control of that anger. After his sixth on-the-job shooting, which resulted in the death of a teenage girl, IAB wanted to open an investigation on him and in order to keep his job, Elliot would have to submit to a psych evaluation and anger management. Elliot knew he had anger problems, so why didn't he start anger management? Why did he leave? He knew it was because he didn't want to face his inner demon. For so long he had ignored it, dismissing his outbursts and hoping he would be able to control his anger the next time. He couldn't face it, he had been used to ignoring it for so long.
Elliot drowned his beer in order for his mind to partially forget the stress he was feeling. It worked, and then his phone rang, Olivia on the caller ID. The stress automatically came back.

~

After getting home from her appointment with Dr. Lindstrom, Olivia sighed as she hung up her purse and removed her shoes. She hated the eerie silence that filled the apartment, it reminded her of that night with William Lewis... Images of Lewis burning her with cigarettes and sizzling wire on her skin flashed through her mind, but she disregarded it, and not easily. She distracted her thoughts and Elliot was the one to enter her mind. She knew she should call him and plan a day for them to talk. With her phone in her hand, Olivia sat on the couch and hesitated for nearly 10 minutes to call Elliot, just staring at his number. Finally she pressed the call button and Elliot picked up after the fifth ring, as if he too were hesitant.

"Hey, Olivia," he said and Olivia noticed that he sounded tired by his slow speech and monotone, flat voice.

"Elliot, hi. Is this a bad time?"

"No, I'm just watching some television. What's up with you?"

"I think we need to talk," Olivia said, getting right to the point of her call.

"Ok, what about?"

"Our friendship, you leaving, just everything."

"Oh, alright. When were you wanting to talk?" Elliot asked, growing nervous at the idea of this.

"I was thinking Friday early evening? You know that if I'm not stuck on a case then I get off at 5."

"Yeah, ok, that sounds fine. Where are you wanting to talk?"

"What about over coffee at Starbucks, at say 5:30? If I can't make it I'll let you know beforehand."

"Ok, sounds good. I'll possibly see you then, Olivia. Bye."

Olivia was glad that phone call was over, but now she had to worry about Friday. Why was she so nervous though? It was Elliot. She figured it was what she was going to talk to him about, and she was still worried about breaking down in tears, despite what Dr. Lindstrom said about her being strong. Olivia got up from her couch and headed to the kitchen to fix herself a glass of wine. She felt uneasy as she passed the hallway where William Lewis had been lurking in the darkness and she quickly turned on the light, wanting to ignore her PTSD, but failing to do so. Olivia sank to the floor, crying out in despair, and cursed the man who had done this to her.