Keep Holding On [Final Book of the Wanted Is Love trilogy]

Chapter 18

The rest of the week was dedicated to setting the record straight. I needed everyone to know that I admitted to my mistake and didn't tell them for obvious reasons, I was embarrassed. This was Steve we were talking about here. I had done those things with Steve. For most of high school, I wasn't his biggest fan and sleeping with him was a total left field move. I understood that.

I'll be honest. I considered lying about it. I would spin it in a way where I was the victim. I'd say that he took advantage of me. That I wasn't aware of what was going on due to being under the influence. It could work. The picture he showed everyone was of me in an unconscious state.

I decided against it. The only way I could win over this crowd was with the truth. They were my friends. They would appreciate that more. Plus, if they somehow believed the lie, I wouldn't be able to live with it. I'd have some sort of break down point and with everything else going on, I didn't need that.

You have no idea how hard it is for me to admit something. Especially, this. It was difficult for me to process it in my head. Ya know, the whole Steve thing. I don't know why I did it. Maybe I was lonely. Perhaps I actually thought he was attractive. Okay, he was. That didn't mean I had to act upon it.

I guess I just wanted to feel in power. For years he had been the one chasing me. I had no idea that he actually liked me. I thought he just wanted to add me to his list of conquests. On my end, I felt nothing. I had no interest in being romantic with Steve. The fact that he wanted me and would do whatever I say, made me do it. I was in charge and I could choose when anything would happen. No, I wasn't mad with power. I just needed something in my life that I could control. Everything else was being controlled by some unknown source. 

That was basically it. It just wasn't the easiest thing to articulate. I didn't think I would ever have to. Steve screwed it all up by letting the world know that we screwed. I did, however, receive more information. He apparently talked to Ginny about his feelings for me. It was weird, partly because I didn't know they still talked.

When Ginny and Steve were doing that campaign for student council a few months ago, they got to spend some time together. Once it ended, I assumed that their friendship ended.

Well, it didn't. She explained that they weren't "best friends" but they would occasionally chat and see how the other was doing. He came to her before doing this because he knew she was a close friend of mine. He confided in her, saying that he developed real feelings for me. I definitely didn't feel the same way and he wasn't aware of that. He thought that with all of the constant hooking up, that I felt the same way. It "devastated" him when I didn't accept his prom invite. He was even more pissed when he saw that I was up with Alec for Prom Court. Believing it was my idea, due to me being on the prom committee, he was hurt. He asked Ginny what to do, and in almost the exact same words as that text exchange I saw between her and Amy, she told him to do whatever it took to show me how he felt. 

So in true Steve fashion, he told the whole school that he we had sex. I'm guessing that wasn't what she meant.

 When I talked to Ginny, I decided against bringing up that conversation with Amy earlier in the year. It wasn't the time for that.

Once I got all the information, my apology tour was set to begin. As mentioned before, Ginny and Paige weren't really angry at me. They just didn't want to get on the bad side of our other friends. It was easier not to pick me. I understood. Paige's response was a little different. She didn't believe the rumors at first, but when I admitted it she slapped me. She forgave me for doing it, but she scolded me for "cheating" on Alec, the most perfect boy in the world. Her words. But also mine.