South Park Gets A Little Gayer

Cartman Offers A Bet

Four things made Tuesday morning an odd day. First, homosexuals were possibly going to some camp thing, if Sheila Broflovski bitched enough. Although this was clearly a really stupid idea, many of the parents were right behind her. Including the Tucker family, who were still convinced their son was totally not gay and didn't kiss Tweek. Oh, those poor bastards.

Secondly, Pip Pirrup and Damien Thorn mysteriously returned to school. No one really questioned their return, though Wendy Testaburger did bring up Pip's death. Before Damien could send her to Hell, Pip quickly made up some lame excuse about British witchcraft bringing him back to life. Oddly enough, this was accepted.

Third, everyone found out about the Stan and Kyle kiss. This was thanks to Mr. Garrison, who loudly proclaimed it to the whole class as he walked in. No one was really surprised, except for Wendy, who would probably put Kyle in the hospital or something for kissing her man. And Cartman was doing his usual thing of calling them fags, but there wasn't as big as a backlash as the last thing.

The last thing, if you were wondering, was that Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak were now an item. The response this got was somewhere between shock and mock. Shmock. Yes, this was what it will be called. Anyway, Tweek was kind of freaking out like always and Craig was kind of not caring like always. These fucking dorks.

So, needless to say, Tuesday was going to be worse than Monday.

xxx

Wendy Testaburger was pissed off. Why wouldn't she be? Her boyfriend totally kissed his 'Super Best Friend'. Wendy was tempted to pay a few German snipers to take Broflovski out. Or she could convince Japan that Kyle was contacting Godzilla and planning to destroy the whole country. But her best friend Bebe Stevens insisted she just talk to Stan. Whatever.

So lunchtime came and she went straight to Stan's table, where all his friends were sitting. Including Kyle.

"Stan, what the hell is wrong with you?" Wendy asked straight up, pushing Cartman off the table to make room.

"EY! I was sitting there, fucking bitch." Cartman stood, picking up his fallen lunch tray and eating the food that spilled on the ground.

Wendy ignored him, glare burning holes into poor Stanley Marsh. "Well? You think it's okay to just make out with your friend and forget you have a girlfriend?"

Stan looked like he was about to vomit on Wendy. Not like that would have been different from their early days. "Wendy, it was just...a thing. It didn't mean anything. Not like I wanted to do it again or anything." Wow, what an excellent liar this kid clearly was. Make way for the new Fox News anchor.

"And you," Wendy turned to Kyle, who's glare could rival hers, "Kyle, I can't believe you would agree to it! I know Stan doesn't know any better, but you're supposed to be smart!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Wendy. It was just a dumb kiss, you need to calm down," Kyle said calmly, though his eyes were narrowed and filled with contempt. People all throughout the lunchroom were starting to get interested. "And even if it wasn't just a one time thing, do you really blame Stan for wanting someone other than you?"

"OHHH! SMACKDOWN!" Cartman shouted, eating his fries as he watched the kinda fight intently.

"Look, just because you're in love with Stan or something, doesn't mean you can just forget he has a girlfriend!" Wendy countered, not noticing the amount of people crowding around.

"I am not in love with him! You're just too stupid to get that he isn't in love with you!" Kyle retorted, standing up on his seat. Even Mr. Mackey, who was sent to see what the commotion was, became intrigued with the argument.

"Okay, that's it! I'm going to kick your fucking ass, Kyle Broflovski!" Wendy shrieked, grabbing Kyle's collar and pulling him close.

"I'm not Cartman. I'm not afraid of you, Wendy!" Kyle growled, bringing his fist up.

"Wait! Let's make this a little interesting, hmm?" Cartman finally said, looking up at the two with wide, excited eyes.

"What the hell are you talking about, fatass?" Kyle finally looked away from Wendy, glaring at Cartman now.

"I'm just saying you two should wager the thing you keep bitching about. Stan. The winner gets to be with Stan, and the loser has to drop out from his life forever. Since I'd like seeing either of you in pain, this is perfect!" Cartman looked honest to god thrilled about this idea.

Kyle and Wendy looked at Cartman for a while, then Wendy smirked. "Fine. Loser leaves Stan alone. Forever. Deal?" Wendy stuck out her hand, confident in herself she would prove victorious.

Kyle shook it, smiling smugly. "Deal." Unfortunately, Kyle was feeling the same way. "Tomorrow after school. We fight."

Mr. Mackey suddenly remembered he was supposed to be the adult. "Mmkay, you two better come to my office. We can discuss our feelings instead of fighting, mmkay?"

"No need, Mr. Mackey," Wendy said sweetly, leaving the table to go join Bebe at the girl table. "We'll discuss our feelings tomorrow." Suddenly, lunchtime was back to normal.

Stan Marsh had no idea what the fuck happened, but now two of the people he cared about most in the world were going to fight. When did South Park turn into Degrassi?

xxx

Tweek wasn't very experienced in having a boyfriend, but it was a pretty awesome deal.

Craig wasn't very mean to him anymore, and didn't call him a spaz anymore. Okay, that was a lie, but now he said it in a very affectionate way. Well, as affectionate as Craig Tucker can even get.

Sure, Cartman made fun of them, but everyone else was shocked, until they realized these were the two who sparked the Stan and Kyle kiss, and it kind of made sense anyway. So, his social status was the same.

But when Kyle and Wendy were planning to kill one another, Craig suggested they go on a date. By 'date', he really meant 'watch Red Racer in the school's AV room while eating Slim Jims'. So, yeah. That's what they were doing.

"Red Racer is fucking amazing," Craig said as he chewed on his Slim Jim, his free hand holding Tweek's.

"Yeah I, GAH, never really watch it before! But it seems, AH, really cool!" Tweek's hand was sweaty probably, but Craig wasn't yelling at him for some reason. Weird. Tweek was constantly watching the door fearfully. "Are you sure we should be in here, Craig? OH GOD WHAT IF WE GET KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL?"

"Then we'll watch Red Racer at my house," Craig replied, his answer so sweet and dumb it made Tweek even more nervous. "Dude, calm down. You can just say I forced you here and they'll probably just tell you to go home or something."

Tweek was touched that Craig was willing to take the blame, and expressed this by kissing his cheek. "Gee, Craig! You're not as big of a douche as I thought! GAH WAIT NO I'M SOR-"

"And you aren't as much as a spaz. Wait, yes you are." Craig scooted closer to Tweek, taking a final bite of his Slim Jim and reaching for another.