South Park Gets A Little Gayer

La Resistance Lives On!

Damien, who we have not visited in quite a while, was overjoyed. It was starting, it was going to happen. Once a certain little boy gets killed, and his blood spills all over the earth, he will reign this disgusting earth. It's all coming together, nothing could possibly-

"Damien! Oh, goodness, you must see this!" Pip ran into the room, again wearing a frilly pink apron. Damien had grown accustomed to the item, and demanded Pip wear it whenever they were home. Kinky, or just stupid? You decide.

"What do you want, wife? I am very busy laughing manically and looking out the window!" This was Damien's favorite pastime. God, he was fucked up.

"I know, and I do apologize, but...well, look at this!" Pip handed Damien his iPhone, where there was a message from Stan Marsh. I'm not going to put it word for word, but it was basically about how La Resistance was getting back together and to meet at a certain location and there was going to be pie and punch.

Damien was appalled. Some punks were planning to ruin the apocolypse? Why would they do that? "I'm glad you brought this to my attention, wife. You did something good for once." Pip was flipping the fuck out on the inside and a little on the outside, especially when Damien patted his head affectionately. "Now, we must stop this organization. We're going to attend this meeting, and destroy them in secret!"

"Ah, good plan, Damien! They won't suspect a thing! You're so smart," Pip swooned, like a little British schoolgirl.

"I know. Let us go destory some souls, wife!"

xxx

Kyle could not believe he was doing this. He was going to ask a person he barely knew, a person they thought was dead, to help win Stan back. God damn it. He knocked on the door of the house, and waited for him to answer.

He did, and he looked surprised. "Kyle? 'Zis is very unexpected. What eez it you want?" Christophe asked, the usual cigerette in his mouth.

"Mole, I need your help. La Resistance is back together and-"

"What?! Shit..." Christophe ran back inside, going upstairs and grabbing his favorite shovel. He ran back downstairs, where Kyle was still patiently waiting in the doorway. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Because everyone else thought you were dead?"

"Feh. God, the filthy bastard, spared me. Not planning to see zat disgusting fucker yet," Christophe paused, looking at Kyle suspiciously. "How did you find me?"

"Facebook."

"Ah."

"Listen, Mole, you need to help me. I...well...I'm in love, I think." Kyle was going to vomit, that sounded so lame.

"With Stan?"

"What? How..."

Christophe scoffed, twirling his cancer stick between his fingers. "You two homos were so obvious, it was disgusting."

Kyle couldn't even believe it. Were they really that gay together? "Anyway, some things happened. I'm not allowed to see him ever again. His girlfriend made sure of it."

"Impossible. Don't you have to speak now zat you are both in La Resistance?"

"No. Wendy sent out this thing to everyone, partnering all of us up. I mentioned you were joining, and she immediately paired you up with Stan, and me with Gregory, so I was wondering-"

"Yes," Christophe said immediately.

"Yes what?"

"I will swap partners with you."